


Getting Sirius

by theodorebee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, FTM, Fluff, M/M, Mild Language, No Smut, Platonic Relationships, Trans, Trans Male Character, Transgender, bi!sirius, ftm character, pan!sirius, there's a fight but it ends up okay, trans!remus, transgender!remus, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 00:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11955546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theodorebee/pseuds/theodorebee
Summary: Remus meets James and Sirius through Tonks, or rather through a bookstore. Either way, Tonks has found herself immersed in the lives of her old friends all over again and when she hears of the increasingly tense environment that Sirius' shared flat has found itself in, she offers him a place to stay. He shows up, his clothes soaked through, clinging to his frame, his hair dripping, and his eyes pleading. He stays. Much to the dismay or Remus, who hadn't been able to get the dark-haired boy out of his mind since meeting him. The two find themselves bonding.(It's all v wholesome. No smut and only some mild language, lots of cute fluff. Remus is self-conscious about his past but Sirius is nice and flirtatious and it's all a big cute mess.)





	Getting Sirius

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zoe ! for beta-ing : )](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=zoe+%21+for+beta-ing+%3A+%29).



Remus bit his fingernails, not that there was much left to bite, as he browsed the bookshelf before him. The tips of fingers skimmed the aged spines, each one with faded lettering, tears, corners worn down to dust. His attention was caught by a book with a spine adorned with a sprinkling of gold dots. The designs persisted on the book’s cover and Remus realised with delight that they were constellations. He pulled his hand away from his mouth and flipped the cover open, seeing with a smile that it was in excellent condition. Remus looked over the thin pages, each one with a different star or planet. He shut the book and placed it aside reminding himself to show it to Tonks when she got back from whichever aisle she had found herself in this time. He turned around to continue looking, but no more books caught his eye. He saw a surplus of the same titles and remembered with a bitter fondness all of the time spent reading those books in college. 

“So,” came a shamelessly unhushed voice from behind him. Remus jumped, nearly dropping the title he had been holding in his hand. “I didn’t find any- oh gosh did I scare you? I’m sorry. You okay?”

“I- I’m alright,” Remus laughed, putting the book back on the shelf and offering his hand out to Tonks as she handed him her books and he added them to the pile. “Did you find anything interesting?” 

“No,” scowled Tonks, pushing her hair back and out of her face. She cast her gaze down and toed some dried dirt off of her shoes. “Just a few annotated books that we can sell to teenagers.”

“You say teenagers as if you weren’t one of them just last month,” Remus hummed, pulling a horror novel from a shelf and opening it to the first page; his comment received him a light punch in the arm. He looked at Tonks’ sour face and mirrored it - she laughed, rolling her eyes. 

“It’s not my fault you’re old enough to adopt me.” Tonks teased him lightly, Remus’ face was pulled into a frown and he put the book back on the shelf. He tilted his head to the side, not quite processing the possibility of a joke.

“I’m 22?” 

“Congrats on figuring that one out. I’m gonna go have a smoke then wash the smell off me, wanna leave afterwards?” Remus nodded in agreement, standing on his toes to see the top shelf, wondering if there were any good books he had missed. “Oh and go check out the records section, they have that one ginger you like.”

“I called him cute once,” Remus huffed, but Tonks was already making her way out of the aisle, her pink hair bouncing with every step. Remus tugged his sleeves to his palms and picked up the tiny stack of books, putting them all in the tiny basket he had grabbed. He made his way out of the maze of shelves and to the record section, looking at all of the shrink-wrapped vinyls. Remus placed the books at his feet and immediately became engrossed in the selection of albums before him. As per usual, the classical vinyls were cheap and plentiful, and the more recent artists, along with a few 70s bands, were taking up most of the display’s room. Remus flipped through them, squinting at the song names on the backs and frowning at some of the cover art. Remus found a funny cover in the always sparsely stocked used section of the display. He pulled his phone out and held it up to snap a picture, furrowing his brow when his camera refused to focus. 

“You come here often?” 

Remus let out a tiny yelp and dropped his phone. He whipped around to see an unfamiliar face staring at him. A suave expression and dark gray eyes held his gaze. Remus opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. He felt his face heat up and he stuttered out an incoherent noise. Remus’ hands remained in the air as if he were holding the phone that lay face-down below 

“I swear to god Sirius, I can’t take you anywhere,” came a grumbly voice. A hand grabbed the boy- (Sirius’?) collar and began dragging him away. “Sorry mate,” the second boy called over his shoulder, “he doesn’t mean anything by it.” Sirius was stumbling backwards, giving a still-in-shock Remus a wink and blowing him a kiss, a giddy smile on his face. Remus told himself to stop holding his shoulders so tensely and let them droop back down. He looked down at his hands, still suspended in the air and wondered where his phone was. With a start, Remus jumped a step back and looked at the floor to see that it had fallen just below the vinyl table. Picking up his phone, Remus looked back at the two boys to see the tanner of the two swatting Sirius’ head. Sirius laughed in response. Remus felt himself relax, it had just been a joke. He went back to looking at vinyls, the picture he had been trying to take long forgotten.

“Hey, another fifteen minutes, yeah?” Tonks’ voice came from behind him. Remus jumped slightly but not nearly as much as he had before. He turned around to face her and she noticed his expression right away. “You good?”

“A boy just jokingly flirted with me is all, threw me off a bit. It’s never happened before.” Remus shrugged, bending over to pick up the tiny basket of books.

“My boy’s got game!” Tonks clapped quietly and though Remus felt his face heat up a little, he laughed nonetheless. “Which one? That one? Oh! I know him. He went to my old school. Huh, I didn’t think James was the type to do that.”

“James?” Remus frowned. “I think his name might’ve been Sirius.”

A look of realisation dawned on her face and she nodded, grinning. 

“I remember Sirius. Don’t let it go to your head but it probably wasn’t a completely hollow gesture.” 

Remus frowned, unsure of what to do. Tonks excused herself to go wash the smell of smoke off and slipped away. Remus looked up and saw Sirius shamelessly flirting with a group of girls, all of them were rolling their eyes and James looked like he was thoroughly enjoying the poisonous looks a redhead kept shooting his way. Remus felt his heart sink and looked down at himself. He had chosen to wear a jumper today, and a pair of somewhat skinny jeans. Remus’ breath caught in his throat and he mentally chastised himself. He anxiously tugged on the sleeves of his jumper. Remus wondered why he had trusted Tonks when she had said that he looked fine in it. Here he had been, thinking this boy might’ve actually been flirting with him.

Remus’ breaths were becoming shallow, he whipped around and took strides towards the bathroom, needing a moment alone to catch his breath. Remus walked down the hall to the bathrooms.

“Ma’am?” Remus stopped. He turned around instinctively and immediately hated himself for doing so. A man stood there, looking unsure of what to do. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Remus said, hating how small his voice sounded. 

“You’re crying.” The man said, Remus was about to tell the man that he was wrong but his hand found its way to his face and Remus found that the corners of his eyes had been watering up and spilling over for who knows how long. He tugged the sleeve past his fingertips and wiped at his face, wanting so badly to sob.

‘I’m fine, thank you.”

The man gave Remus a sympathetic look and walked into the men’s bathroom. Remus felt like he wanted to collapse, he couldn’t use the restroom now, the man had thought he was a girl. A supposed girl in the men’s restroom? That’d be a joke. A boy in the women’s was just as bad. The very thought made Remus queasy. He could feel his breathing becoming shallower still. His chest was tightening. He needed to catch his breath. He braced himself and closed the distance between himself and the door. He tugged on the handle and stepped in, letting the door close behind himself. He let out a shuddering breath, his eyes scrunching shut. 

“I- Remus! What’re you doing here, this is the girls’?” Tonks rushed over to Remus, her bottle of perfume clattering to the counter. She saw the look on his face and immediately pulled him into her arms. Remus sobbed into her shoulder, but the tears wouldn’t come anymore. “Remus,” she pulled away and held him at arm’s length. “Breathe with me- c’mon.” Tonks took steady breaths in and out, Remus’ lungs struggled to cooperate. In and out. In and out. In, and out. In. And out. Remus’ breaths were steadier, deeper. When Tonks was satisfied she continued. “What happened?”

Remus took his time before answering, taking several deep breaths “Sirius.” Tonks raised an eyebrow, patiently waiting for him to continue. “He wasn’t flirting with me- I- I mean he was.” Remus’ eyes fell to the floor and he continued, his voice slowing and reaching a more normal speed. “Not me though. He thought that I was- you know.” Remus trailed off, knowing he wouldn’t have to finish the sentence for her to understand what he meant. 

“That piece of shit, you’re a guy.” Remus felt his heart melt and wondered for the thousandth time that day how he had managed to keep such a wonderful friend. “I’ll beat him up for you.”

Remus laughed, remembering that she had threatened to fight a car that had cut him off this morning. He shook his head, promising her in a tiny voice that it was okay. Tonks pulled him into a hug. Remus held her close, wanting to be able to snap his fingers and jump forward just a few months. He wouldn’t have to deal with this then. Tonks lifted him up and Remus leaned against the wall while she finished cleaning up the scattered contents of her bag. Remus took the time to wipe off his face, make sure he looked okay in the mirror. 

“Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t have an issue with you being here but it _is_ a lady’s room. Why don’t you wait in the hall for me.”

“Oh yeah,” Remus chuckled, feeling better already. He pushed the door open and stepped into the hallway, dimly lit in comparison to the bathroom’s fluorescent lighting.

“Not sure if your eyesight needs checking but that’s the bathroom for gals.” Remus turned to his right, finding Sirius leaning against the wall, facing him. Remus’ eyes grew wide and he felt his breath catch in his throat again. And amid his flash of panic, he felt confusion. Had Sirius actually- Remus didn’t let himself get his hopes up. Sirius was leaned against the wall, his dark, unkempt hair reaching just past his chin and being kept from falling in his face by some magical trick of the universe. Sirius stepped away from the wall, still waiting for an explanation on Remus’ part.

“I was- I guess got turned around.”

“You okay? I saw you sorta sprint here and-”

“Can we help you,” Tonks’ voice came. She discreetly gave Remus’ hand a reassuring squeeze and gave Sirius a cold stare. She was almost seven inches shorter than Sirius, and what seemed to be a solid food and then some shorter than Remus, but her glare had her towering over the two. “Remus, you ready?” The difference in her voice was incredible when she was directing her thoughts towards her friend.

“Sirius.” Sirius said brightly, extending a hand in Tonks’ direction. When Tonks took it and gave his hand a brisk shake, he turned to Remus. “Remus- that’s your name?” 

“Yeah, I’m- that’s me.”

“We have to be going, don’t let us keep you.” Tonks almost took a step forwards but was cut off by Sirius’ voice.

“Keep me-?” Sirius’ eyes fell on the bathroom door and he laughed. “Oh, no. I came here because I saw Remus here looking a little upset and heading in this direction. I checked the guy’s room but I guessed he decided to come visit you instead.” Sirius laughed in Tonks’ direction. Remus felt himself relaxing, and then felt a little silly for having freaked out before. Sirius had seen Remus as a guy. “I dunno, you looked a little uh, flustered when I said hi. I thought maybe it was my fault and wanted to apologise.” 

“It’s alright,” Remus assured, the unbothered tone in his voice visibly calming Tonks. Her shoulders relaxed and she dropped her crossed arms to her side. Remus felt less self conscious than he had before, and hoped that him folding his arms across his chest wasn’t coming across as defensive. Remus dropped his arms and wiped his hands on his jeans, unsure of what to do with himself. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” 

“It’s not your fau-”

“Mate!” For once, Remus didn’t start at the sudden sound of a new voice. He looked over Sirius’ shoulder and saw James walking down the hall. James looked at the three and frowned, eyeing Tonks with a cautious look on his face. James came to stop next to Sirius, still frowning at the pink-haired girl. “Tonks?”

“Hey,” Tonks said, shrugging her bag to the ground and leaning against the wall, continuing to stand between them and Remus. “James this is Remus,” Remus slowly waved and James nodded, still looking confused at the situation, “and Remus this is a guy from my old town. We ended up going to the same uni, I guess it was just a matter of time before we ran into each other.” Tonks laughed towards the end, but Remus could see how ready she was to jump back into her defensive-friend stance. 

“It’s pretty odd that we found you here,” James smiled. “We should exchange numbers or something. Catch up. It’s been what- four years? Three?”

Tonks responded but Remus didn’t catch what she had said. He had locked eyes with Sirius again. Remus could’ve sworn he had heard that name before, he had heard it somewhere. He wished he could remember where from. Tonks had bent down and began to rummage through the contents of her bag, she pulled out her phone and tossed it to James. James hunched over it and clicked around before handing it back. Tonks excused the two of them. She grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him from his trance. He stumbled for a few steps before regaining his footing, he cast a glance over his shoulder to see Sirius watching him, half of his mouth upturned into a smirk, he winked at Remus and turned back to James, who was busy fiddling with his phone. 

~ ~ ~

“You’re texting him _again_?”

“He’s cooler than I remember him being,” Tonks shrugged, tapping away at her phone. Her hair was tied up messily and pinned back to keep it out of her face, her pale eyes staring intensely at her screen as her fingers flew. “He says Sirius still wants to meet you by the way.”

“I still don’t know if I want to see him again.” Remus was sure that it was a lie, he was nearly positive of it. The confidence Sirius seemed to give off was such a stark difference from Remus’ timid personality. Logically, they wouldn’t get along well together. From what Tonks had said, Sirius didn’t like reading, he cared for his motorcycle more than one might deem healthy, and he seemed to be, as Tonks’ put it, “unashamedly a drama queen”. They really had nothing in common. But there was something about the way Sirius talked and laughed and- Remus stopped himself. He didn’t know this guy. He didn’t know how he would react to certain aspects of Remus’ character. Sirius didn’t know Remus and he didn’t like him. Remus scowled at a pillow on the couch, his traitorous mind wondering if Sirius would ever consider dating him.

“He won’t care,” Tonks spoke up, being able to figure Remus out, as usual. Remus didn’t respond, after a moment, Tonks continued. “About- you know.”

“Don’t remind me of that,” Remus said in a defeated tone, letting his head fall to his hands. “Not today.” He pulled his knees up to his chest. Tonks grabbed Remus’ arm and gave it a squeeze, a quiet apology. Remus smiled at her halfheartedly, the incident with the man at the bathroom still lingering in his mind. 

“I know what’ll make you feel better.” Tonks beamed, her eyes suddenly alight.

“I’m open to ideas,” Remus lifted his head with a small smile, willing his negative thoughts to ebb away. “Whatcha got?”

“We could dye your hair.” Remus snorted, Tonks had been trying to talk him into changing his hair color since the day he had met. “Purple, that’d suit you.”

“We’re _not_ dying my hair, I quite like it the way it is.” Remus’ hand found it’s way to his head where he tugged on a few locks with a smile. He reckoned he’d give in one day and let her have at it, but Remus didn’t quite feel adventurous enough yet.

“Oh that’s true, your hair is cute. We could dye my hair.”

“We did that last week. Did you-? Tonks did you forget already? We got pink on my favourite jacket.” Tonks frowned, deep in thought. Her hand fell to the couch and her fingers found themselves intertwined in the fibers of a yarn blanket.

“Oh yeah, we did do that.” Her pink and regular eyebrow both furrowing in thought. “Wanna go to the roof?”

“What are you? An indie movie protagonist?” Remus teased, already standing up and stretching the stiffness out of his limbs. He reached for his combat boots and slipped them on, not bothering to lace them up. Tonks had made her way over to the window and had unlatched it, grunting as she tried to open it. She yelped as the window shot up; she took a step back and wiped her hands off on her joggers. “Let’s grab a blanket,” she said, speaking louder at the suddenly less muffled sound of sirens and blaring horns.

Tonks pulled a heavy blanket up from the top of their blanket pile, stumbling under the weight before regaining her footing and stepping out onto the fire escape. She turned back, her skin pale against the dark night sky and her breath billowing out in clouds. Remus’ skin prickled with excitement and he grabbed a jumper to throw over his t-shirt if it got too much colder. He took a step towards the window and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, his breath was wispy and clouded in the air before him. Remus shooed Tonks away from the other side of the window so he could squeeze through. Tonks grinned and made her way up the steps, skipping the ones she knew would creak. Remus closed the window to a crack and followed closely behind, hugging his jumper to his chest and shivering already. 

“Here- help me up.”

Remus obliged, tossing his jumper onto his shoulder and lacing his fingers together, giving Tonks a step up. He heard her light footfalls and then she lowered down the rope ladder they had left up here earlier that summer. What Remus wouldn’t give now to be complaining about being too warm. He pulled his shirt tighter around his shoulders and handed the blanket up to Tonks. He took a deep breath in, the crisp air burning his lungs, and climbed up, his hands shaking at the thought of the height. Remus pulled himself over the ledge and rolled onto the rooftop, smiling in spite of the cold. He stood up, pushing his heel deeper into the boot where it had started to slip off in the short climb. He walked over to Tonks, who was scrambling to keep the blanket in her arms, her grumbles of concern muffled by the wool covering her face. Remus closed the distance between them in moments, gathering a good deal of it in his arms. Tonks wiped some of the shedded fuzz off of her shirt before helping Remus untangle the blanket. 

“Remus you’re shaking,” Tonks fretted, breaking the quiet. She dropped her portion of the blanket and grabbed Remus’ hands between hers, holding them close in an attempt to warm them up. “Take my flannel, it’ll keep you warm.” 

“Flannel isn’t my thing.” Remus shrugged. “Besides, you look good in flannel, I don’t.”

“You and your damn aesthetics.” Tonks rolled her eyes, grinning. “Here, let’s bundle up.” She quickly flattened a section of the blanket and dragged Remus to it. They sat next to each other while Tonks grabbed all the edges and pulled them tightly around themselves. Remus moved the spare jumper to his lap and pulled his knees up to his chest. Tonks leaned her head against his shoulder, holding her phone close to her face and squinting.

“Is it James again?” Remus pulled a piece of the blankets above their heads, effectively cocooning the two together. Tonks hummed a yes and tilted her phone so Remus could see the texts. 

J: Sorry for disappearing. Sirius’s been bummed so we went to get ice cream.

T: icecream? it’s midnight.

J: Yeeeah, we went to a shifty gas station. 

T: ooh, tell sirius i hope he feels better

J: I dunno what’s up with him. I’m sure he’ll get over it.

T: what sort of icecream? 

J: Mint Chocolate Chip, it’s his favourite 

“How to James and Sirius know each other?” Remus asked, remembering how close the two had seemed and their ease with each other. “Lifelong friends or something?” 

“They’re brothers,” Tonks turned off her phone and slipped her hands back into the blanket. Remus’ eyebrows were tugged downwards as he thought about what she had just said. He looked at the cloudy sky and watched a plane’s silhouette fly past the moon before responding. 

“But they’re not like-” Remus frowned. “I thought James was indian and not for nothing, but Sirius looked fairly white.” Tonks gave Remus an amused look, a pink eyebrow raising quizzically. 

“Ever heard of adoption?” Tonks’ hands poked out from the blanket again and she inspected her hands, scraping dirt out from under her nails. Despite the cold, Remus felt heat flood his face as a soft ‘oh’ left his lips. 

“So who adopted who?” 

“Well it’s not like James’ parents were looking for a kid, but no one in Sirius’ family wanted to take him after some stuff went down. They were more than happy to- er, transfer custody.”

“Oh.” Remus repeated, the word feeling more hollow this time. He moved closer to Tonks, feeling cold. “Poor Sirius.” Tonks didn’t reply, and her phone didn’t chime again. 

~ ~ ~ 

“Tonks, did you see- Tonks?” Remus tilted his head at Tonks, reaching for the remote and pausing the movie. The screen froze and Remus became momentarily acutely aware of just how beaten up their second hand television screen was. He fell back into the couch cushions and leaned towards his friend, craning his neck to see what on her phone was occupying her mind. She was texting Sirius, Remus’ interest was piqued at this but he tried to appear casual. “He- what’s up with Sirius? How’s he been?” 

“Not the best,” Tonks said distractedly, turning her body so Remus could see what she was typing. “He’s um, having a pretty bad fight with James.” Tonks was currently telling Sirius that if he wanted to he could spend a few nights at their apartment. Remus knew Sirius wouldn’t show up, but part of him guiltily hoped it would happen. A more logical part of his mind reminded him that Sirius was a stranger to him and that either way he didn’t want Sirius to fall out with his brother or be unhappy. Sirius knew Tonks, he didn’t know Remus, even if Tonks kept reminding Remus that Sirius _wanted_ to know him. Tonks sent him one last text, a ‘come by if you need a place, you’re always welcome here’ before shutting off her phone and slipping it into her hoodie pocket. She leaned forwards and pulled the coffee table closer and then rested her feet on the edge. Remus lifted his legs into the air and spun himself so he could lay down, putting his head in Tonks’ lap. He reached for the remote and pressed play.

Remus’ interactions with Sirius had been limited in the past week, but he seemed to keep coming up, whether by Tonks’ own doing or by Remus looking over her shoulder to see who she was talking to. Once, Remus had come home from his job and had waved hi to Tonks and had been surprised to see Sirius on the couch beside her. He winked at Remus as he had walked past. Remus, having just completed a double shift, had blinked several times, his eyes bleary with sleep and mumbled a hello. Sirius’ goofy grin had slipped from his face to be replaced by a slightly bemused smile. Remus had squinted at the light coming in from the window before disappearing into his room to sleep. The next morning he had mentally kicked himself for making a bad impression. Despite Tonks’ reassurances, Remus was positive he had come across as rude. 

Remus yawned at the memory, remembering how much his feet had hurt after that day, and how tired he had been that night. He blinked and returned his attention to the screen, knowing that both he and Tonks were keenly listening for the chime of her phone. Tonks had one hand absentmindedly toying with a curl of Remus’ hair. Remus found his eyes drawn to the window, watching as the sky darkened and began to rumble. Tiny taps on the window pane told him that it was beginning to rain. It continued, raining harder and harder, the outside sky becoming bleaker while the movie, in stark contrast, continued to show its bright colors. Winds raised and the building began to creak and moan, making Remus eternally grateful they hadn’t chosen a horror movie.

Remus was only half asleep but he jumped, suddenly fully awake, when he heard the soft, almost inaudible, knock at the door. He looked up at Tonks who met his gaze with a look of confusion. She lifted Remus’ head from her lap and he sat up, turning to face the sound. He looked at the clock on the wall and blinked, having not realised that it was already past midnight. He frowned, wondering who would visit this late at night. Tonks had slowly stood up and was balancing effortlessly on the armrest. She grabbed the doorway and pulled herself towards the door’s peephole, using the couch’s height to let herself see through it. Remus could see her face turn into a frown. She slid from the armrest to the floor and unlocked it, opening it and welcoming Sirius inside. 

“Hi,” Sirius said apologetically, standing in the doorway. His jacket was soaked through, as was his shirt, and his jeans, and- well, everything else. His hair clung to the sides of his face and promptly stuck back to his skin even after he tried to push it back. There was something different in the way he hald himself, his boisterous nature dampened down and his easy confidence replaced with a barely traceable hesitance. Shivering slightly, he seemed... small. “You said I could crash here? My phone died. I would’ve texted.” 

“Oh, yeah of course,” Tonks nodded after a pause. Remus could see her willing the sleep out of herself, trying to fully wake up. She opened the door fully and Sirius stepped in, leaving drips of water on the floor in his wake. His eyes found his way to Remus and gave him a lopsided grin that didn't reach his eyes. “We were just watching a movie. Wanna join us?” 

“I’d love to but I’m a big fan of not getting colds.” Sirius looked down at his attire, with water still dripping to the floor. Tonks immediately understood and gave Remus a short look which he interpreted quickly.

“You might- you can borrow my clothes.”

“And he speaks!” Sirius beamed, the tips of Remus’ ears growing hot as he smiled back. Tonks snorted with laughter, climbing back onto the couch and kicking her feet out to rest on the coffee table; wasting no time making herself comfortable. Remus stood and held his hands up before him for a second before pointing to a door and wordlessly leading Sirius to his room. Remus flicked on his light and leaned through an open doorway to the left, grabbing a towel from the bathroom and tossing it to Sirius. Sirius shed off his jacket and shirt- Remus’ eyes widened and he busied himself at his dresser to give Sirius any privacy he would need.

“So,” Sirius said slowly. Remus turned around, gluing his eyes to Sirius’ face. Only his face. “You come here often?” 

“Here?” Remus laughed, running his hands through his hair and keeping his hand on the back of his neck. “Right- In my own apartment? I- I’d like to think I do.” His hand fell to his side and Sirius chuckled, softly admitting that he hadn’t thought that through. “What’s your size?” 

“Medium.” Sirius responded after a pause. Remus began opening drawers and rummaging through them, pushing aside his many jumpers, button ups, and tees, all larges or bigger. He found a single medium shirt with a skull on it, from when Remus had been going through what he now called his ‘angsty phase’. It was a soft gray and didn’t fit Remus anymore, too short. He thought it might fit Sirius but- he glanced back, Sirius was facing away from Remus and towelling off his arms. Remus tightened his grip on the shirt, balling it up, and stuffed it in the back, opting to choose a shirt he wouldn’t mind never seeing again. He grabbed a large long sleeved tee instead, plain white. He cleared his throat before tossing it to Sirius. The shorter man tugged it over his head and frowned at the length of the sleeves, pushing them up to his elbows. Remus almost melted at the sight.

“I- uh, have some like...” Remus trailed off. “I have-” he stopped himself, Sirius turned around frowning at Remus stumbling over his own words. Remus took a breath and tried again. “How much do you need, like, how much of your clothes got wet?”

“Aw, honey,” Sirius sighed, his face breaking out into a smile, he leaned against Remus’ wall and crossed his arms across his chest, looking amused. “Were you getting all worked up asking if I needed to borrow underwear?” Remus shrugged sheepishly. “To put your mind at ease? No, I should be good in that department.” Sirius pushed himself off the wall and made his way to where he had tossed the towel onto the floor moments before. He pushed his toe under it, kicking it up and catching it before wrapping it around his head and attempting to dry it off. “I would, however, like to put my trousers up to dry and I don’t think you or Tonks are ready to be blessed by the sight of my amazing legs, so for your own safety, I might need trousers.”

“Right- yeah, sorry,” Remus muttered, tearing his gaze away from Sirius and turning back to his drawers. “Do joggers work?” Sirius hummed a yes and Remus found a black pair that he knew to be quite warm. He checked the pockets habitually before tossing them to Sirius, who caught them, huffed, pushed his sleeves back up, and dropped to sit on the edge of Remus’ bed. Sirius peeled off his damp black jeans and discarded them in a pile on the floor, drying off his legs before pulling on the borrowed clothes.

“Dude I’ve got nothing against tall people but seriously, this is going overboard.” Sirius stood up, watching the joggers bunch up at his ankles. He held out his arms as if to say ‘see?’, causing his sleeves to fall down. Remus laughed and Sirius glowered at the sleeves, now going just past his fingertips. 

“Eh,” Remus shrugged. “I do what I can with what I have.”

“These won’t stay,” Sirius complained childishly to himself.

“Roll them up?” Remus offered, knowing in the back of his mind Tonks probably had more than a few things that would fit Sirius much better. Sirius sat himself on the floor, rolling one pant leg up at a time, cuffing them three times each. He looked up at Remus and smiled in that overly flirtatious face he seemed to love donning, and asked if Remus could help him roll up the sleeves. 

“Yeah, I-” Remus stopped talking, instead holding out his hand for Sirius to take. He pulled him up and they were standing, maybe half a foot of distance between them. As he grabbed the hem and began rolling the sleeves up, Remus couldn’t help but notice that Sirius’ skin was covered in tattoos. And that it was freezing cold. Remus suddenly wondered if he should have given Sirius a jumper instead. He stopped at the elbow and looking at Sirius for confirmation that this was a good length. Sirius gave Remus a regal nod and extended his other arm. Remus did the same thing, stopping at the elbow, and being unable to not notice how cold Sirius was. “Do you like hot chocolate?” 

“Hell yeah,” Sirius balled his hands into fists triumphantly, grinning. Remus laughed and suddenly realised both of his hands were still on Sirius’ arm, he dropped his hands to his sides and offered to take him back to the kitchen. Remus opened the door and Sirius ducked under his arm and walked over to the kitchen, where Tonks was sitting cross-legged on the counter. Her hair had been tied back and held up by clips, revealing the streaks they had missed, a bubblegum pink head of hair with streaks of mousy brown. “Hey Tonksie.” 

“Just Tonks.” 

“Classic Tonksie.” Sirius said suavely, before letting out a small snort of laughter. Remus rolled his eyes but found himself smiling along. He looked to Tonks and saw that the corners of her mouth were twitching upwards too. 

“Tonks, can you grab the hot chocolate stuff?” Remus pulled open the cupboards and grabbed three mugs, knowing without having to ask that Tonks would have some. Instead of a response, Remus heard her phone be set on the counter and rustling as she stood up. She jumped from the island to the counter and opened one of the cabinets, pulling out a can of chocolate powder. She leaned down and placed it at her feet before closing the cabinet and walking two steps to the fridge. She grabbed the top of it and leaned back, pulling open the door and reaching for the milk. She hopped off the counter and landed soundlessly on the floor. Remus peeked a glance at Sirius who looked, as expected, completely confused.

“He puts things on tall shelves to spite me and I get my grimy little feet on the counter to spite him right back.” Tonks explained automatically, tucking a loose strand of hair back into her bobby pin. Remus shrugged humbly and took the milk from Tonks, pouring it into a small pot. He turned up the heat and began stirring it with a spoon. Tonks pulled herself back up onto the counter and picked her phone back up.

“So Sirius,” Remus began, willing himself to complete his sentences on his first try. “We’d give you the couch but in this room anyone’d just about freeze to death.” Sirius jumped onto the island beside Tonks, crossing his legs like her and listening with a growing smile. “So you can sleep in Tonks’ room or-”

“I choose your room,” Sirius said quickly. Grinning goofily, Remus turned around, his mouth suspended half-open to respond. He shut it and turned around so Sirius couldn’t see the blush creeping onto his face. 

“That- uh, works.” Remus stirred the pot and turned up the heat, the stove sputtering for a moment before obliging. 

“I like your tattoos,” Tonks said, grabbing Sirius’ arm and holding it close to eyes, looking at all the lines. “Remus wants to get tattoos one day but he’s too skittish, he keeps bailing on me. Do you know how many tattoos I’ve gotten to avoid cancelling an appointment? Three. Three tattoos because this kid had commitment issues.” Sirius was chuckling along with Tonks and Remus grinned sheepishly, grabbing the pot and pouring the finished milk equally into each mug. Tonks looked at Sirius’ shirt and frowned. “You wore this yesterday Remus.” 

“Aw I bet it smells like him too,” Sirius cooed, batting his eyelashes in Remus’ direction. He brought his shoulder to his face and sniffed at the sleeve and his face softened. “Damn you smell good. C’mere.” Sirius took Remus’ arm and held it up to his nose, smelling that too. Tonks was trying not to let a laugh out and was watching on with a knowing look on her face. “And they say perfect people don’t exist, _how_ do you smell so good? You smell like chocolate.” Remus dug his hand into his pocket and brought it up holding two chocolate bars sheepishly. “I was spot on. I’m psychic everyone.” 

“Congrats to you,” Tonks said, spooning the chocolate powder into all of their drinks and mixing it in. “It’s a problem though, he has an addiction, I swear he does.” Remus took his mug, pretending not to notice Sirius staring at him. He sipped his hot chocolate and felt himself smile contently at its warmth. 

“How’d you get your scars?” Sirius blurted it out quickly, a hand gesturing to the raised white line laying across Remus’ face, two more falling from his jawline to his throat. Tonks’ head whipped around so she could see what was happening. Remus shivered a little involuntarily and Sirius immediately began stringing together an apology, but Remus cut him off.

“No- no, no, it’s okay you can ask I don’t mind. People ask all the time, it’s no biggie.” Sirius calmed down a bit but continued to look at his scars curiously. “I was attacked by a dog, it was the neighbors and I didn’t pay attention to the signs they had put up. It was my fault, really. Dunno, I’m just bad at healing I guess? They never went away.”

“It looks so hardcore,” Tonks mused, “like from a movie or something. Remus, show him your arms.” Remus obliged, pushing up his sleeves and Sirius’ mouth was agape at all the lines covering his arm, all slightly darker than Remus’ skin. “And that’s nothing compared to his chest. I- oh, sorry.” Tonks cut herself off, her eyes wide. Remus gave her a head shake, letting her know it was okay. 

“Aw, so I don’t get to see em all?” Sirius joked, reaching forwards and grabbing the bottom of Remus’ shirt and started pulling it up. In a second, Remus had grabbed Sirius’ wrist. He pulled Sirius’ hand away, held it from his shirt. In his other hand he lifted up the hem a fraction more, not showing anything above his ribs. Sirius stared in shock. “Yeesh, that dog had anger issues.” Remus forced out a huff of laughter and put his shirt back all the way down, trying to steady his sudden uneven breathing. “Also. Ha, I got you to hold my hand.” Remus snatched his hand back and Tonks laughed. 

“Dang, Black you’ve got game, he only ever let’s me hold his hand.” Sirius gave Remus a wink and took a gulp of his drink.

“So are we gonna stay up and party or-?” 

“We were watching a movie?” Tonks offered.

~ ~ ~

Remus’ head was back in Tonks’ lap and his legs in Sirius’ lap. Sirius had commented on Remus’ mismatched socks three times, saying that cat socks and raincloud socks don’t go together. He had then complemented Remus’ leg hair, which had made remus tug his trousers lower and led to Tonks laughing so hard his head almost rolled onto the floor. Sirius had then inquired about Tonks’ contrasting eyebrows, to which she had shrugged and explained that it had been a hair dying incident. Sirius had soon quieted down though, his hands resting on Remus’ legs. None of them were paying attention to the movie, Remus was already slipping out of consciousness and Tonks was preoccupied with working tiny tangles out of Remus’ hair. Sirius had given himself the very important job of making occasional annoying noises, which didn’t really annoy anyone so much as amuse them. Ten minutes in, Sirius had raided their cabinets to find bags of popcorn, which he had made for all of them.

Remus and Tonks both noticed his nervous energy, only so much of which could be contributed to his natural enthusiastic personality. And neither of them missed how frequently he checked his phone before remembering each time it was dead and stuffing it into his pocket in frustration. By the time the movie had come to an end, Remus was the only one awake. He slowly sat up, grabbing two pillows from the ground and putting them where his head and legs had been, hoping to not wake Tonks and Sirius up. He clicked off the television and turned on a lamp as he treaded quietly to his room.

Remus left his door cracked, turning on his light and going to the bed. He took a few deep breaths, feeling the obvious restriction. He knew he should’ve changed hours ago- and normally he would’ve, but not with Sirius here. Remus listened for a moment, making sure he was the only one up. He unbuttoned his jeans and slipped them off, gritting his teeth as he realised just how cold it was. He walked to his dresser and found his warmest pair of joggers. He peeled off his socks and tossed them into his dirty clothes pile, remembering suddenly that Sirius had left his wet clothes on the floor. With a yawn, Remus picked them up and walked into the bathroom, tossing them over the shower rod and hoping they would dry overnight. 

Remus went back to his room and closed the doors, taking a deep breath before tearing his shirt off and quickly working off his binder. He tossed the shirt into the pile and left the binder on the floor. He dug into his drawers, pulling out a thick black shirt and pulled it over his head. He tugged the bottom hem down and hugged the shirt closer to himself, shivering. He looked at his arms, covered in thick, dark lines, all his hairs standing on end. He pushed the long sleeves down to his wrists, not wanting to be reminded of that now.Taking deep, measured breaths, he let himself feel his lungs stretch out and fill with air. Remus looked at himself in the mirror. He and Tonks hadn’t had anyone else spend the night in ages, and for a minute he contemplated sleeping with a sports bra on. 

“No,” Remus whispered to himself harshly. “You need to breathe.” He squeezed his eyes shut and put his head in his hands, gritting his teeth. He opened his eyes and let his head fall back and he looked at the ceiling light, his fan spinning lazily on the slowest setting. 

“Remus?” He blinked, looking up to see Tonks in the doorway. He gave her a weak smile and she made her way over to him. “He’ll be cold as hell but he won’t die if you want him to sleep on the couch. Or- hey, if you want to he can crash in my room. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

“It’s okay,” Remus said slowly, reassuring himself as well as Tonks. “I just need to collect myself is all.” Tonks grabbed Remus’ hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“Ah, you guys!” Sirius laughed sleepily, appearing in the doorway. “I didn’t get the memo the slumber party was moving to another room.” Remus laughed weakly and crossed his arms across his chest, hoping his gesture didn’t come off as rude. Tonks gave him one more understanding look before slipping off the bed. 

“We were just gossiping about our crushes. Tell him about Ed, Remus,” Tonks barely concealed her smirk, her demeanor immediately changing. She walked through the doorway, ducking under Sirius’ arm the same way Sirius had done to Remus earlier that same night. Sirius pushed himself away from the wall and chuckled, making his way over to Remus.

“That was one time!” Remus protested weakly as Tonks disappeared around the corner, Sirius’ eyes were twinkling with glee as he sat himself on the bed next to Remus. 

“So Ed? Who’s this guy?” Sirius laughed, his words blurry with the sleep he was unsuccessfully trying to rub from his face. He stretched out his legs and pulled them up onto the bed, blinking at the ceiling lights before looking at Remus expectantly. 

“Ed Sheeran,” Remus shrugged. “I called him cute once and it was the one time I admit to finding anyone cute- she never lets me forget it.” Sirius laughed, using the back of his hand to push a few strands of hair out of his face.

“Ahh,” he mused lightly, “Tonks is cute, you guys are lucky.” Sirius drew out the y in lucky and Remus credited his bluntness to his inability to keep his head held up straight in his tiredness. Remus watched Sirius start to nod off before shaking his head and looking back at the taller boy. His sleepy inquiry still needing an answer.

“We’re not dating if that’s what you’re asking.” Remus found that people seemed to think they were together a lot. He could understand why. “I mean, we did for a bit. We were really close but then uh- th- things happened, and we thought ‘eh, we’ll be better as friends’.” Remus pulled his knees up to his chest, holding them close. “We never really lost that comfortableness we had around each other though. It’s nice.” 

“Sounds like a good deal,” Sirius nodded. “So any other girlfriends or-” he drew out the ‘or’ and studied Remus’ face before continuing, “boyfriends?” 

Remus knew Sirius was a stranger, that they knew nothing about each other, but he didn’t see any reason to not tell him. In fact, he could think of a few reasons he _should_ tell him. He shrugged and opened his mouth, willing himself to speak; he always found this topic a difficult one no matter how much he had come to terms with it. He knew it was naïve to always assume a positive response. His gaze found his feet before he could gather up the courage to make himself respond.

“No,” he said, trying to sound casual. “I’m gay.” He let out a breath he had been holding and out of the corner of his eyes he saw Sirius bite his lips in a poor attempt to hide a smile. “So no girlfriends. And a boyfriend would be nice but I’m not even out to my family. Plus, I don’t think I’m much of anyone’s type.” Remus gestured to himself. Sirius gave Remus a sour face as he heard this.

“Because you’ve got scars?” Sirius asked hesitantly, Remus heard the genuine confusion in his voice and almost melted. “Because not everyone cares about that.” Remus laughed softly and picked at a loose thread coming undone in from his shirt. He couldn’t help but notice how Sirius’ speech was ever-so-slightly rushed, almost as if he were nervous.

“No it’s- uh, it’s not that. If you knew more about who I am you wouldn’t wanna date me either,” Remus said with a shrug. He realised what he said and yelped. “N- not that- crap, I didn’t mean that you wanna date me. I just- I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just-”

“No, no, I get it,” Sirius laughed, taking Remus’ falter in stride and regaining his confidence without a pause. “James’ got a cool brother I could set you up with.” 

“Mmm?” Remus hummed, raising his eyebrows, not knowing if Sirius knew that Remus knew that Tonks had told him.

“Yeah, word on the street is that he’s perfect and a total catch. An absolute stud,” Sirius said, grinning and making obscure and animated motions with his hands. “You should totally ask Tonks for his number, set up a date.” 

“Sounds like James’s got a pretty terrific brother,” Remus mused, feeling the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. Sirius was just about indirectly gloat about himself again but the light suddenly died from his eyes. His mouth slowly shut and he pulled his arms close to himself, Remus saw Sirius squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Did I say something wrong?” 

“No,” Sirius said after a hesitation that would’ve put even Remus’ most revered pauses to shame. “You’re fine, it’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Remus frowned, he tugged on his sleeves. He wasn’t sure how well he knew Sirius, he wasn’t sure if they could even be considered friends. Remus stared at his hands and balled them into fists, working up the courage to do what he wanted to. Without waiting another moment to talk himself out of it, Remus leaned forwards and hugged Sirius. It was awkward for only a fraction of a second before Sirius fell into Remus’ body, letting Remus tighten his arms around him and pull him close. Sirius leaned his head on Remus’ shoulder and took slow, measured breaths. Remus moved his hand slowly up Sirius’ back and began running his fingers through his hair, realising what he was doing only after a few seconds had passed. He winced, hoping he wasn’t being weird. 

“He said he never asked me to join his family,” Sirius whispered. Remus wasn’t sure how to respond, he just continued to hold him close, or as close as he could without having Sirius notice... certain things. “He told me that not even my own parents wanted me.” Remus squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could pull Sirius closer. He internally cursed himself for having taken off his binder, or rather, for not putting on a sports bra. 

“I’m not sure how to help,” Remus whispered truthfully, wishing with every fiber of his being that he could make this better. Sirius pulled away and Remus pulled his legs back up to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. Remus rubbed his eyes and took a few raspy breaths before giving Remus a smile that betrayed none of what had just happened.

“It’s pretty cold, are we gonna cuddle for warmth or-?” Remus realised what Sirius was trying to do and supposed that he couldn’t force Sirius to work through a problem he didn’t want to work through yet.

“You- if- you can take the floor,” Remus grabbed a pillow, hating himself for becoming suddenly so tongue tied around him. 

“Damn, way to kill the romance,” Sirius’ laughter was promptly cut off as a pillow hit his face. He moved to the floor and let out a quiet ‘ow’. Remus walked to the door smiling and grabbed a handful of blankets from his pile. He lay a few out until he was convinced the floor would be cushioned enough and then gave Sirius two of his heavier ones. 

“Let me know if you get cold.”

“We can cuddle then- yeah?” Sirius asked, only half joking.

“Oh my gosh, you’re relentless,” Remus growled, rolling his eyes and swatting at his head. Sirius ducked and snorted, pushing his hair back and grinning like an idiot. Remus flicked off the light, maneuvering his way to his bed in the dark.

~ ~ ~

“Is he okay now?” Tonks asked, leaning forwards and whispering, despite them being the only two awake in the apartment. The slitted rays of sunrise filtered through the dusty blinds and illuminated the table. 

“Gee, I dunno, lemme wake him up and ask.” Remus snorted with little humor and took a sip of his hot chocolate. “He seems really upset about it. Have you spoken to James?”

“I’ve tried, it’s what I disappeared into my room to do,” Tonks pushed her hand through her hair, an out-of-use and previously hidden bobby pin falling out. “He doesn’t want to talk about it, and he doesn’t seem to keen on talking to Sirius either.”

“They need to talk about it.” Remus sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I think he almost cried last night.” He pushed his sleeves back to his elbows and rested them on the table, propping his head up on the back of his hands.

“Holy shit,” whispered Tonks, Remus shot her a frown, knitting his eyebrows together. “He’s not one to get upset about anything, at least, not in front of people. Ever. Did you comfort him?”

“Of course,” Remus huffed, placing his mug on the table and crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m not a monster. I did a half hug and sorta like-” Remus trailed off, frowning to recall the events of the night before properly. “I think I played with his hair, sorta like I do when you’re upset? And rubbed his back.” 

“Ah, you fool,” Tonks let out what could only be described as a hushed cackle. “You care about him.” Remus’ mouth fell open as he struggled to find a reasonable response, aside from accusing Tonks of changing the subject.

“I don’t even know him,” he said in a somewhat defensive tone. Tonks’ grin only gew smugger at this. “Besides, he’s nothing like me, he’s loud and bawdy. He seems like the type to hit on everyone, I don’t want to let myself catch feelings for him only to realise he was just joking the whole time.”

“Aw, Remus,” Tonks looked at a loss for words. “Life is about adventure, my only advice would be to not be afraid to take chances.”

“We don’t even know if he’d date someone who’s doubling up with the lgbt acronym,” Remus said sheepishly, wiping dust off the tabletop with his finger. “I mean like,” he looked up at the ceiling, sagging downwards above them. “I don’t know, I’d like to. I really would. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Give him a shot.”

“Give who a shot?” Remus and Tonks both turned to face Sirius who was unsuccessfully trying to get his hair untangled. Remus saw that all of the cuffs had come undone and his shirt sleeves were back to past the fingertips. Sirius’ walked over to the table, looking nowhere near as smooth as usual as he tripped over the sweatpant legs engulfing his feet. He slid into the chair next to Remus and grinned goofily. 

“It’s nothing,” Tonks assured him, scratching her arm and taking a sip of her coffee. “How’d you sleep?”

“Not well,” Sirius said sadly, shaking his head. A sly smile slipped onto his face, his gray eyes lighting up mischievously. “Remus here kept me up _all_ night long- didn't you dearest?” He sent a wink in his direction, watching gleefully as Remus’ face turned beet-red.

“No, I- we- I didn't,” he put his mug down and gave Tonks a helpless look, his eyes immediately flicking to the floor. She had an eyebrow raised in amusement. “I,” Remus groaned in defeat. “Tonks help me out here.”

“C’mon, Black,” Tonks laughed, taking the situation in stride. “Go easy on him.” Sirius poked his tongue out, baring his teeth in a crude smile. Remus dropped his head into his hands and rubbed the back of his neck, grimacing at how foolishly he acted around Sirius. “How were the blankets? Enough?”

“Good. I _was_ expecting a human heater to keep me warm but I guess I could still give this place a five stars on Yelp.” 

“He wanted to share the bed,” Remus explained, lifting his head from his hands. Tonks’ eyes twinkled and she gave Remus a knowing smile.“Speaking of, I’ve gotta go water my plants.” 

“We weren’t talking about plants?” Sirius frowned, turning to watch as Remus stood up and made his way back to his room. Behind him, he heard Tonks explain that that was his go to excuse for leaving a room. He could hear the mischievous smile in her voice. Sirius laughed and continued talking with Tonks as Remus shut the door behind himself. He started getting changed, stepping out of his joggers and gasping at the cold. Shivering, he pulled a pair of jeans from his drawer. He slipped them on, pushing his phone into his front pocket. He buttoned the trousers up and rubbed his arms to rid himself of his his chattering teeth.

After a minute of hugging his arms close to himself, Remus had stopped shaking. He swore to himself that one day he and Tonks would get a better apartment, one with any insulation of merit. One where they wouldn’t freeze to death nine months of the year. Remus pulled off his shirt and grabbed his binder. He took a deep breath and slipped it over his head, nearly getting it stuck above his shoulders. Remus pulled it down with a grunt and grabbed a light brown jumper. He stared at his reflection for a second, looking at all of his brown, tan, and white scars, some of which disappeared under the hem of the nude shaded garment. He grimaced. The door swung open and Remus yelped, instinctively yanking the jumper up to cover what was already covered. Sirius turned and frowned at the sight, his hand still on the doorknob.

“Go,” Remus said automatically, Sirius didn’t move. Remus’ voice broke. “Go- I- please, Sirius go.” Sirius frowned and put his hands up in a surrendering gesture. Using his foot to pull the door back towards his hand where he pulled it shut all the way. Remus waited until he heard a click and squeezed his eyes shut. Feeling them well up with tears. He wasn’t so cold anymore. On the surface, he was burning; inside, he stung like ice. He sat on the edge of his bed, one hand a fist, gripping the jumper. The other, digging into his skin, leaving tiny crescent indentations. Remus cursed himself for having not locked the door. 

_Focus on breathing_. _In and out. In and out. In, and out. In. And out._

After what felt like an eternity of sitting, of breathing, Remus pulled the wool jumper over his head. His breaths were shaky, fluttering like the last leaf of a tree, threatening to finally be pulled away by the wind. But it was consistent, and he was calm. He grabbed a cup of water from the bathroom and poured water into each of his plant pots, watching the dirt swell and fall. He opened the blinds, his movements automatic after being done every day for the past two years. The room filled with light and his breath fogged the glass as he looked out of the window at the puddles on the street and the soggy trash on the side of the road. He turned away and quietly opened his door. He abruptly stopped, hearing Tonks’ seldom used serious voice. 

“You need to make up with him,” Tonks urged. “He’s your family, you guys need each other.”

“He made it very clear that we’re not family.” Remus could hear the distaste in Sirius’ tone, the steely voice he used. Remus walked over and Sirius lost all sense of seriousness immediately, a smile breaking out across his face. “Nice jumper, you should wear that on our first date.”

“Damn,” Tonks breathed. “Black’s got game.”

“That’s my hot chocolate.” Remus pointed to the cup Sirius was holding in his hands, ignoring the comment. Sirius’ eyes flitted down to it and back up to meet Remus’ gaze. He took a slow sip from it, looking only slightly guilty.

“We can share it?” 

“Oh my gosh,” Remus groaned, sitting back in his chair; trying, and failing, to hide his smile. “I’ll just make another you can have it.” Remus pushed himself from the counter and started making another cup. He wondered why Sirius hadn’t brought it up, maybe he didn’t feel like it was worth mentioning. But that couldn’t be it. Maybe he hadn’t thought it was weird that he had been trying to cover his chest? There was no way it was that. Remus looked down at his hands and saw they were shaking. He stuffed them in his pockets and closed his eyes.

_Breathe. Breathe. In and out._

He pulled his warm mug from the microwave and mixed in the chocolate powder, watching the swirls grow darker. He held it close to himself, not able to feel the warmth through the two layers he was wearing. 

~ ~ ~

Remus sat on his bed, one leg pulled up and the other stretching. He had his chin on his knee and was painting a second layer of thin nail polish onto his pinkie. He held it under the lamplight, inspecting it carefully. He deemed it a worthy final coat and moved to the second coat of his ring finger. His mind kept wandering back to Sirius, who was sleeping out on the couch tonight. Sirius who was having the biggest fight with James’ he’d ever had. Remus squeezed his eyes shut, wondering how this situation would end up fixing itself. Sirius couldn’t stay here for forever after all. Remus inspected his ring finger and moved on to his middle, trying to focus on painting his nails instead of the issue at hand. Why couldn’t Sirius get over himself and talk to James? Tonks had pulled Remus aside earlier that night and had explained that both of them wanted the other back but that neither of them knew what to do and were both too stubborn to make the first move. 

“Remus?” He heard the pleading, muffled voice float from under the crack of the door. “It’s cold out in the couch place. C’mon. Please?” Sirius drew out the ‘please’ for an eternity before falling silent and waiting for a response. 

“Fine, you can sit in here for a bit.” Remus huffed, he heard Sirius’ quiet victory before the door opened. “Shut it behind you.”

“I- oooh what’re you doing?” Sirius said, kicking the door shut behind him and eyeing the old box of nail polishes on Remus’ bed and the opened one. “Can I join in?”

“Yeah,” Remus shrugged, “sure.” He used the back of his hand to push the box in Sirius’ direction. “It’s a great stress reliever.” Sirius picked up the box and began looking through all of them.

“What color should I do?” Sirius asked, pulling up a white bottle and inspecting it carefully. 

“It’s up to you, I’m doing clear. I sorta don’t like the way nail polish looks on my hands,” Remus shrugged, his eyes following the scars running across the back of his hand and onto his palms. 

“Wimp,” Sirius teased. “I’m doing black.” He jerked his head and flipped his hair out of his face. Sirius held his hand up and began painting with a shaky hand, leaving Remus to laugh at just how bad he was. He quickly finished his hand and grabbed Sirius’ gently, holding it still.

“Want me to show you how to do it?” Sirius grinned and nodded, his smile contagious and making Remus return the expression. Remus took the brush and dipped it in the bottle Sirius was holding, painting a thin coat on his thumb. Then the index finger. Then Remus wiped the paint off of the coat Sirius had attempted on his middle finger and painted it on correctly. 

“So how’d you get so good?” Sirius joked. “Is there a second secret life of yours I should know about?” Remus laughed, pushing away the twinge of guilt that surfaced.

“Tonks sorta got me into it,” he admitted, moving on to Sirius’ ring finger. “She says it’s good to do when stressed.” Remus shrugged and did the pinkie in a single brush. “She’s right.” 

“What’re you stressed about?” Sirius asked, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his brow. “If you’re nervous about asking me out then don’t be, I won’t bite.” Remus breathed out a laugh, his face heating up slightly, wondering how he could tell him. 

_I’m nervous about you and your fight with your brother because I want you to be happy and I don’t know how to help? Also I care about you and want you to stay?_ No. Remus couldn’t say any of that. His eyes flicked up to Sirius who was watching him expectantly. Remus switched hands, letting the first one dry, and started on the thumb before answering.

“Just university,” he shrugged. “I mean, I know it’s winter break but still. I’ve got a project due the first day back and it’s just a big mess.” 

“Oh,” Sirius said flatly, almost as if he had been expecting something else. “Well, I hope you get that all figured out.”

“Yeah,” Remus sighed, on the middle finger now. He finished that and moved onto the next one. He yawned and blinked sleepily. “So do I.” He finished the last finger and inspected his work, before starting on the second coat. “Anything keeping you up at night?”

“Yeah,” Sirius admitted after a pause. “It’s stupid and I know I’m grown up but I’ve never slept alone in a room. Like I’ve always had James or something with me.” Sirius’ face was red. “I know it’s the stupidest thing. But I’ve always had to share a room. For financial reasons and like now I’m stressed tonight and like-” Sirius trailed off, catching himself. He let out a breath. “It’s just gonna be a first for me. Well it’ll be the first time in a long time.”

“We’ll get the blankets and you can sleep in here.” Remus promised, already almost done with the first hand. Sirius’ face lit up and he gave Remus the most heart melting smile. Remus finished the first hand and gave Sirius a nod of finality. “You should’ve just said you didn't want to sleep alone. I don’t mind.”

Remus finished the second hand after a moment of silence. They both watched the liquid begin to dry and harden. Sirius held his nails up to his focused gray eyes, smiling as usual. 

“How long does it take to dry?” Remus tucked his foot under his leg and frowned, thinking.

“Eh, I dunno, just avoid touching things for a while.” 

“Fair enough,” Sirius hummed. “I like your socks by the way, skulls on one foot and deer on the other.” Remus laughed, looking down at his mismatched feet and wiggling his toes.

“Yeah, I suppose I don’t look to see what I grab in the mornings.” 

“Ay, Remus,” Sirius began, looking suddenly thoughtful. “If both our nails are still wet and neither of us can grab blankets to bring in here. Can I-” Sirius drew out the ‘I’ and watched Remus carefully. It took Remus a second to piece together what Sirius was saying, but the second it clicked he responded without thinking.

“No,” he said flatly. Sirius began a string of pleas, begging and pouting. “No- I- Sirius, no.” Remus huffed and rolled his eyes, pushing his hair away from his face with his forearm.

“Please, please, please?” Sirius whined. “If we carry all the blankets back in here we’ll ruin our nails.” Sirius leaned against Remus’ arm, giving him a sweet smile that made Remus’ heart flutter. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a smile break out across his face.

“Fine.” 

“Yes!” Sirius cried out, causing him to receive a sharp shush from Remus.

“It’s like midnight,” Remus whispered, stifling a yawn at the thought of the time. Sirius hopped up from the bed, blowing on his nails as he made his way to the light switch. He flicked it off, leaving the single lamp to cast elongated shadows across the far walls. Remus looked at his nails, painted clear and looking shinier than ever. The polish looked fairly dry. He touched one to his lip. Dry. He touched all of them gently and found that none of them were still wet. Remus considered offering to set up a bed for Sirius on the floor again but quickly decided against it. He watched Sirius jump onto the bed backwards and fall with his head on the pillow, his black hair fanning out in a tangled mess. 

“It matches your hair,” Remus said, nodding his head to Sirius’ hands. Sirius held his arms away from his face and looked at his nails from a distance. 

“They do. You did a good job.”

 

Remus smiled and sat in the bed next to Sirius, pulling his trousers off so he was just in a shirt and boxers. He tugged the blankets over himself. He reached to turn off the lamp, plunging the two into darkness.

~ ~ ~

“Good morning.” Remus squinted his eyes and frowned. 

“Sirius?” Remus blinked, trying to make anything out in the thick darkness. “How did you know I was up?”

“I didn’t,” Sirius smirked. Remus could hear him rustling around in the bed beside him. “I said it like seven times before you woke up.” Remus laughed quietly. “You’re too heavy of a sleeper. Takes all the damn romance away.” 

“Romance?” Remus raised an eyebrow, his mind fitting the pieces together, he was suddenly acutely aware of their bodies pressed against each other. “I- oh, crap.” He sat up in the bed and reached to pull his joggers on. Sirius sat up and began protesting, asking Remus to stay and keep him company. “Don’t- I- nothing happened. I didn’t mean anything by it. Don’t tell anyone.”

“Remus we just cuddled,” Sirius laughed, reaching across Remus’ lap and clicking on the bedside lamp. “It’s no big dea-” 

“Don’t,” Remus said harshly, his hands shaking at the thought of what his parents would say if they knew. “It’s not a big deal because it didn’t happen. Okay?” Remus was met with a stunned silence. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m sorry,” he breathed out. “It’s just- nothing happened.”

“Okay.” 

Remus stood up, hopping up and down to pull his trousers on as he made his way to his dresser. He grabbed his binder and quickly wrapped a red jumper around it. He cast a glance at Sirius who was bearing resebelancer to a deflated balloon at the moment, his hands resting in his lap. Remus walked to the bathroom, flicking on the light. Remus put on his binder and jumper. He walked back into his room, shutting the bathroom door behind himself. He handed the folded clothes to Sirius.

“Do you want me to make you a cup of hot chocolate?” He asked casually, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocking on the heels of his feet. Remus hoped Sirius wouldn’t bring it up again. Sirius looked up, confused. He seemed to realise what was going on.

“Yeah,” he said, forcing a smile. “I’ll be out in a minute.” Remus walked out, closing his bedroom door behind himself. Tonks was on the couch, clutching a mug of coffee close to her chest to keep warm.

“Oh, hey Remus,” Tonks said, giving him a mischievous smile he was too flustered to take any notice of. “Come here real quick.” Remus made his way to the couch and when he didn’t sit, she rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand, tugging him to the cushion beside her. “So I didn’t see Sirius on the couch all bundled up in blankets like we planned. And I thought, ‘huh, what gives?’” Remus’ head rolled back, already having a suspicion of where this was going. “So I open your door and see him all cuddled up right next to you. Are you-” 

Remus quickly shushed her, not sure if Sirius could hear. “I’m not sure what’s going on.” He dropped his head into his hands before curling his hands into fists, bunching his curls up. Tonks put her mug down and frowned.

“Hey,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you sad, you okay? What happened? I can kick his shins if you want.” Remus laughed and took a moment to find a way to articulate what he was trying to say. Tonks waited patiently. Heck, he loved Tonks.

“I’m not sure if I like him,” he began hesitantly. “But I’m afraid to take the chance and find out? I’m sort of just pretending nothing happened right now...” He trailed off uncertainly and Tonks nodded along with the wisdom of a scholar. She drummed her nails on her legs, frowning.

“I’d say just wait a day and see how you feel,” she shrugged. “You _did_ sorta just wake up, it’s too early for this shit. If it makes you feel better, he misses James and I’ve been talking to James recently? The feelings of regret are totally mutual. They’ll make up soon and he’ll be out of your hair.” Remus felt his smile falter slightly at this but he nodded in agreement. Tonks motioned to a box of holiday decorations on the table, fairly lights spilling out along with tiny bells and knick knacks to hang throughout the house. “Do you reckon we should start decorating for the holidays? That box’s been gathering dust up on that shelf for eleven months.” 

“How’d you get that down?” Remus asked incredulously, happy to be changing the subject. “It’s on the top shelf in the closet. _I_ have to stand on my toes to get it.”

“You put everything up on shelves,” Tonks rolled her eyes. “After two years you’d think I’d get pretty good at climbing, yeah?” Remus hummed in agreement, wondering how he hadn’t realised that before. 

“You’re like a spider or something,” he commented after a moment. Tonks made a face and shooed him away, pulling her coffee close to herself again. Remus strode to the kitchen and began making the cups of hot chocolate. Tonks entered a moment later, holding a tangled pile of lights in her hands. She jumped to the counter and began hanging them on nails they had put up the winter before. She lined the tops of the cabinets with the lights and hummed christmas music to herself. Remus wondered if there were a channel on with holiday songs playing. He heard a doorknob turn behind him and busied himself with mixing the chocolate powder in, suddenly very interested in the logistics of it all. He looked up at Tonks who mouthed ‘holy shit’ and nodded in Sirius’ direction. Remus’ curiosity got the better of him and he grabbed the two finished drinks, braced himself, and turned around. 

“Hey Tonks, hey Remus,” Sirius mumbled, yawning. He was wearing the exact same outfit he had worn two days ago, so it wasn’t anything new. But seeing it _not_ cling to his frame and drip water onto the floor did wonders for the ensemble. The black leather sleeves of his letterman jacket looked slightly damaged, but dry nonetheless. His shirt was a sunbleached black, looking more gray than anything, but only slightly lighter than his worn black jeans. Remus blinked a few times and stuttered out a hello, handing a warm mug to Sirius. Sirius was about to take a sip but Tonks stopped him.

“Ah, ah, ah,” she hummed, stepping from the counter to the island and squatting down to be more level with Sirius. “Holiday decorating times are drinking times.” She pulled a flask out from where she had had it tucked in the waistband of her jeans and unscrewed it.

“I just woke up,” Sirius faux-protested, watching on happily as she poured in its contents into a tiny shot glass they’d gotten in London. 

“It’s past noon,” Tonks replied dryly. Remus blinked and looked at the clock on the microwave. 

“Yeesh,” Remus said in disbelief. “My sleeping schedule is all wonky.”

“Wonky?” Tonks teased. “What are you? Seventy?” Remus blushed and Sirius laughed. Sirius grabbed his glass of alcohol, took a sip, and smiled blissfully. 

“I mean hot chocolate is damn near perfect as a morning drink but this is a great way to start the day.” Sirius hummed blissfully. “Isn’t that right Remus?” Tonks held up the flask to Remus and shook it, offering him some. He shook his head no and pushed her hand back towards her. 

“Yeah,” he said flatly, taking a sip of his drink, suddenly unsure of how to respond to Sirius. Tonks tapped her flask to Sirius’ mug and they both took a drink from the respective containers. Remus couldn’t help but notice Sirius looking at him out of the corner of his eye, a concerned expression etched into his features. 

“Sirius, Remus, wanna help put up decorations? I need some taller people for where there aren’t chairs or tables.” 

“I’d be happy to,” Sirius responded. Remus flinched at the nauseating smell on his breath. Tonks hopped up and sprinted to the couch, somersaulting on and grabbing the remote. She flipped through channels upside down, finding a festive movie for them to watch and settling on A Christmas Story. With the sound turned up and a tiny radio soon after set to play some familiar tunes, the three began hanging up lights. Or, well, Remus and Tonks did. Sirius decided that his talents would serve the house better if he were to start assembling the artificial christmas tree they had gotten a couple of years ago, discounted due to its mismatched branches. Tonks had fallen in love with it, calling it an ‘original little baby tree in need of a loving home’.

“There’re three a1 branches,” Sirius whined. When Remus didn’t respond, Tonks rolled her eyes and jabbed her elbow at him before taking the matter into her own hands.

“That’s what makes our tree so special,” she hummed gleefully. “That and the assorted neon branches.” 

“Some with built in lights and some that smell like peppermint.” Sirius laughed.

“One smells like candy floss.” Tonks added, handing a string of lights to Remus who wordlessly plugged in the end and handed it to Tonks. “Can’t forget the one classic branch that smells like actual pine.” Sirius chuckled. “But in all realness there’s a roll of duct tape in the drawer, just tape the branches on. Remus, go get it for him.” 

“Sure,” Remus sighed, not wanting to be near Sirius right now. Not wanting to hear him gloat. He put what he was holding on the couch and walked to the kitchen, but Sirius was following close behind.

“So,” Sirius hummed. “Are you gonna talk to me? It sorta seems like you’re ignoring me.” Remus bit the inside of his cheek, wishing he hadn’t heard the hurt in Sirius’ voice.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, pulling open the drawer and rummaging through, grabbing the duct tape. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I don’t-” Sirius huffed, cutting Remus off. Remus blinked and Sirius checked over his shoulder to make sure Tonks wasn’t watching. Sirius grabbed Remus by his wrists and dragged him to the storage closet, closing the door behind them. He clicked on the light and it gently buzzed to life, hardly illuminating anything. “Sirius I-”

“Please just talk to me,” Sirius said, lowering his voice to a whisper. He and Remus were close to each other, not due to lack of room, but rather because Sirius was stepping closer and Remus had found himself pressed against a wall, a broomstick poking into the small of his back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Remus’ gaze fell to his feet and he tightened his jaw. He didn’t want to have this talk now. He didn’t want to have it ever. Honestly he didn’t want to be in this situation. “Nothing happened.” He kicked himself mentally for having allowed himself to come into this predicament. He had always been so careful and cautious.

“Why!” Sirius exclaimed, speaking as loudly as his voice would allow while still staying at a whisper, “do you have _such_ an issue with admitting to yourself that you like me back.”

“I don’t!” Remus protested, tossing his hands into the air in exasperation. He realised how loud he had been and let out a breath. “I don’t like you.” He felt the lie pass his lips and knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t want to date you.” Remus saw a light die in Sirius’ eyes. The shorter man’s posture slipped and he faltered, taking part of a step back. “I don’t- I don’t want to date anyone." Remus let out a shaky breath, leaning against the wall and tilting his chin to look up at the ceiling. "It's hard to trust people." The words hung in the air and Remus hoped Sirius didn't pick up on the forced ‘casual tone’ of his voice.

“Cuddling isn’t pouring your heart out to someone,” Sirius hissed. “It’s not like I know a huge piece of who you are because we shared a bed. Just don’t ignore me because of it. It’s not even that big of a deal.” 

“I-” Remus squeezed his eyes shut and took a few breaths. “I’m not brave enough to date a guy.” His shoulders slipped down and he didn’t dare to open his eyes. It sounded stupid out loud. “I do you like you Sirius. I’m just- I’m- you’re brave, Sirius. I’m not brave enough to take that chance with anyone yet.” Sirius didn’t respond and Remus slowly blinked open his eyes, finding gray eyes staring back at him through the dimly lit closet.

“I understand,” Sirius whispered. “If you do like me, whenever you’re ready I’ll be here for you. I won’t rush anything.”

“Thank yo-”

“I like you Remus,” Sirius continued, still whispering. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket and immediately pulled them out, toying with his fingers. “I don’t know why I like you so much, but I do. And I know you think your scars make you unloveable or whate-”

“It’s not just that,” Remus said sharply, his arms crossing across his chest subconsciously. 

“Whatever it is,” Sirius said. “It won’t change how I feel. I’m willing to wait.” Sirius shifted his weight from one foot to the next and his eyes flicked around momentarily before settling on Remus’ face with a look of resolve in his eyes. He grabbed Remus’ shoulders and pulled him down, giving him a kiss. Remus’ eyes shot open and he let out a gasp. Sirius pulled away after only a second and gave Remus a lopsided grin, his smile not reaching his eyes. “Ha,” he teased, his tone not quite masking his unease. “I kissed you.” His grin slipped away long enough for him to remind Remus gently. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said softly. Sirius swung open the door and sauntered out, shutting it behind him and loudly demanding to know where the drinks were.

Remus spent a minute trying to make sure his cheeks weren’t red and regain his ability to maintain a straight face for more than a few seconds at a time. His heart was racing and not even the strong smell of disinfectant could put a damper on his mood. He found himself with a hand on the wall for balance, still tightly clutching the duct tape in his hand. When Remus could hold a neutral look, he focused on taking deep breaths. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the door, breaking out into a smile again. He laughed to himself softly, his quiet noise barely audible to even himself over the blaring music. Remus let out a slow breath, composing himself. He grabbed the bent and nearly broken doorknob, putting his weight into it until the door popped out of the seal and swung open. Sirius was back by the coffee table, tending to his tiny plastic tree.

“Tonks it still won’t fit can I just jam it in?”

“Go for it,” Tonks said, she had somehow moved from the couch to the television cabinet and had strung up all the lights in between in the small amount of time Remus had been in the closet. Sirius twisted around to grab a filled shot glass from the coffee table behind him. He drank its contents down, whooping with glee. He pushed his hair back and tossed the branch in the air, catching it with impressive ease. He held the branch the way people hold knives in movies and brought it down, forcing the a1 branch into the c3 slot. When he let go it bent downwards slightly. Sirius held up a hand for a high-five, realised that nobody was within two yards of him, and smacked his own hand, grinning.

“Remus. Have a drink?” Sirius held out a shot glass. Remus considered it for a moment. 

“Sure,” he shrugged. Tonks turned around at this, giving him a confused look. Remus never drank, he could understand why she’d be off put. He gave her a smile and she nodded, looking somewhat proud. Sirius twisted around again, grabbing a bottle and filling their small collection of mismatched shot glasses. Remus walked over to Sirius, handing him the duct tape. He sat on the floor and Tonks jumped to the ground to join them. Sirius tilted his chin back, swallowing the drink in a gulp. Tonks did the same and Remus sat with his legs crossed, drinking it slowly. He made a face, scrunching his nose up and grimacing.

“Ew,” he groaned. “This tastes awful.”

“That’s why you drink it quick,’” Tonks laughed, taking another drink, pushing her pink hair out of her face and swallowing another glass’ contents. Remus mimicked her movements, drinking it quickly before he could change his mind. He shook his head, blinking and smiling. Sirius refilled the glasses and held his tiny cup up. The three tapped their glasses together, Remus already feeling tension slip from his shoulders. Whether it was from the alcohol or the suddenly carefree atmosphere he had found himself in he didn't know. Honestly, he didn't care. He lifted the glass to his lips and swallowed it down quickly, squeezing his eyes shut at the burn it left in his mouth.

~ ~ ~

“Wait,” Remus frowned, shaking his head as if it would clear the fog from his head. He blinked a few times. “What’re we- how’ll we get home?”

“Oh yeah,” Sirius nodded, hiccuping. “Home’s like three blocks away.” 

“Oh my god,” Remus fretted, his eyes suddenly widening. “I- Tonks? Who’s going- who’s the designated driver?” He put his drink on the table, motioning wildly to convey the seriousness of the conversation. “How’ll we get back home?” He uncrossed his legs, pulling them to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself. “I can’t walk three blocks, I’ll fall over.”

“Remus we’re at home.” Tonks laughed, pulling her phone from her back pocket and fiddling around with it. 

“Oh,” Remus nodded, not entirely convinced. Sirius was looking at the wall opposite of him, staring at it intensely as if it had something to hide. Remus looked at the design of the floor, suddenly immersed in the swirls and knots in the wood. 

“This isn’t my home,” Sirius said sadly. “James and Peter are at my home? I miss them.” His face was red. Words blurring together. He dropped his head into his hands and ran his fingers through his long hair, hiccuping. “He’s my best friend?” Sirius looked up, his brows furrowed in deep concentration. “I don’t know what I did wrong. He just yelled at me?” 

“Call him,” Tonks said in a gentle voice, nodding as though convinced it was the right thing to do. She took a gulp of whatever was in her cup at this point. “He misses you too.”

“He does?” Sirius seemed relieved to hear this. He pulled a sparkly neon pink pine needle from his hair and looked at the mismatched tree in confusion. Tonks tossed her phone to Sirius.

“His contact is pulled up. Just call.” Remus looked up, having been listening out of boredom more than interest up until this point. Sirius was frowning. Holding the phone in his hands as if he were afraid of what might happen if he pressed the call button. Remus leaned forwards, grabbing a shot glass from the table and nudged Sirius’ shoulder with it. Sirius took the glass and gave the room a nervous smile. He swallowed the drink, snapped it down to the hardwood floor, and pressed the button. It rang, several times quietly. Sirius pressed the speaker button. Two times loudly.

“I- Tonks?” A grainy voice picked up on the other end. Sirius grinned. 

“James!” He covered the microphone and whispered, “it’s James.” Remus nodded along, not sure of who James was, although he was sure he had heard that name recently. He turned to Tonks in confusion, hoping for an answer but she was engrossed in the phone call.

“Sirius? Is that- are you drunk?” Tonks moved to sit next to Remus, both watched on; Remus with a slightly more clouded mind.

“Psh,” Sirius rolled his eyes, laughing as if James had just mentioned an inside joke. “Yes.” 

“It’s late, are you okay?” Remus could hear rustling around. “I can come pick you up.”

“No, no,” Sirius assured, holding the phone between his head and shoulder.. “We’re doing holiday decorationsing. At Remus’.”

“Hi James!” Remus waved cheerfully.

“Tonks?” James sounded confused. “Heya- do you have a cold? I can make you soup. You sound funky.”

“Remus’ fine,” Sirius assured.

“Oh that was Remus,” James laughed uneasily. “Sorry mate! Look,” James sighed. “Sirius we need to talk about wha-”

“Yeah about that,” Sirius cried in a slurred voice, happy to be on the subject of the fight. “I’ve been meaning to say sorry.”

“This isn’t all on you, I-”

“I’ve been thinking,” Sirius began, his frown reaching his voice. His gray eyes squeezing shut. “I’ve been wondering- you know? About, like, what I did wrong? I figured it out. Like the reason you’re mad and stuff?”

“There wasn’t any one reason,” James said, his voice temporarily fading in and out of static. “Look, can we meet up and ta-”

“No!” Sirius said forcefully. “I did something wrong? I must’ve, you’ve never yelled at me that much. Is it because I sneezed on your toothbrush? It gave Lily the flu, I didn’t think you knew but like why else would you be mad?”

“You sneezed on James’ toothbrush?” A pointed voice came from the other end. Remus didn’t recognize it. Sirius’ eyes lit up.

“Lily! Hi! Tell James I say hi,” Sirius had a dopey smile on his face. “Also tell him I’m sorry for dropping his phone in the pool last month. Ask him to stop being mad at me. Tell him I’m sorry I said I didn’t want to be a part of his family. I didn't mean it and stuff.”

“Sirius, it’s not that,” James huffed out a gentle laugh. “Look- we’ve gotta meet up. I think it was a mis-”

“Look,” Sirius said seriously. “That’s super interesting, but I’m about to like, throw up. Bye James, I love you. Bye Lily, you love James.” Sirius held out the s in James long after he had hung up the phone. He looked on in a haze as Tonks scrambled to her feet and grabbed a wastebin from the side of the couch. She held it in front of Sirius and grimaced. 

“Dude,” she groaned. “C’mon, don’t eat cake next time you’re drunk.”

~ ~ ~

“I got this one,” Sirius began, stopping his sentence to hiccup, “when James dared me to.” He pointed to a tattoo on his shoulder of a paw print. His jacket had long since been discarded on the floor, along with his socks. “See, he- he loves our dog?” Sirius nodded. “Almost more than he loves Lily.” He laughed. “Good ole Padfoot.” Sirius twisted, trying to pull his shirt sleeve back enough to show another tattoo. He huffed in frustration when his shirt didn’t oblige. Bunching the fabric in fistfuls, tearing it off of himself. He tossed it on the floor where it landed in a tiny splayed out pile. Remus nodded, trying to focus on what Sirius was saying, a cup in his hand of a drink he had forgotten the name of.

“I like that one,” Remus pointed to Sirius’ collar bones, where he had an array of roman numerals. He leaned forwards to point. Nearly losing his balance. Remus fell back onto the floor. “What’s- are they for?”

“Ah shit,” Sirius frowned. “I forgot, birthday’s maybe?”

“What’s that one for?” Tonks asked, the only one in the room able to still speak without slurring their words. “The lion? It looks cool.” 

“Lily always calls me stupidly brave,” Sirius gloated. He sat on the ground and poured some drink into his cup, only to take a swig from the bottle. Remus frowned, not sure if being ‘stupidly brave’ was something to brag about. “Lions are brave, right?” 

“What about that?” Tonks motioned to his back shoulder. Sirius spun in a few circles, his futile attempts at seeing his own tattoo getting a laugh out of Remus. 

“That,” he said with a smile, “is a sunflower. Dunno, walked past the shop and thought it looked cool.”

“Dude,” Remus said, his eyes widening. “I know, I know, I know, know where I heard your name before! I remember now.”

“Coolio,” Sirius said, pouring what was left of the bottle into his cup and staring intensely at the liquid swirling inside. “Where?”

“Your name is a constellation.” Remus whooped, covering his mouth at how loud he had been and giggling. “I- your name, I saw it in the book the day we met.” 

“Oooh,” Sirius hummed. “That’s neat-o. Tonks, do you have sweets?”

~ ~ ~ 

Remus’ head felt like it was filled with mush and jelly. He squeezed his eyes shut, burying his head into whatever was in front of him. The tiny movement made his mind scream and Remus’ groaned. He wished his skin were clay so he could dig his fingers into his skull pull his head apart and take out whatever was making it hurt so much. He couldn’t remember ever having a headache this bad. Ever. His stomach was turning and swirling and felt full and too empty at the same time. Remus’ throat felt slimy and he was shivering. God, he was so cold. Something in front of Remus shifted and he sucked in a breath, recoiling, he grimaced at his own sudden movement, his ribs feeling too tight. As if a hand were holding his lungs in a fist. He felt colder. Remus moved a tired hand towards whatever was inches away from himself. He felt skin, he dared to open his eyes. Slowly. 

“Sirius?” He touched the tattooed back in front of himself, blinking but never opening his eyes fully, his body already protesting the lights streaming in from the curtains. He was already starting to shiver. Remus didn’t remember much of last night and right now he didn’t care. He closed his eyes and moved back closer to Sirius, waiting for himself to stop shaking. Sirius’ skin was hot and Remus still felt so cold. He took a few breaths, deciding that bravery wasn’t something reserved for lions. His hairs were standing on end. Remus angled his face away from the light, listening to Sirius breath. He pulled Sirius closer and buried his head into the pillow they were sharing. He took breaths in, finding that he couldn’t will himself to fill his lungs with air. Shallow breaths in and out. In and out. In. Out. In. Out.

“Remus?” Sirius stirred, rolling over to see. “I- oh, shit.” Sirius began sitting up and Remus opened his eyes, wincing and blinking.

“Sirius stay,” Remus mumbled. “I’m cold.” Sirius slowed down and his head tilted to the side slightly, Remus squinted up at him. He raised up a hand in Sirius’ direction and Sirius smiled, looking a little smug, and lowered Remus’ hand back to the bed.

“You’re not ready for anything, remember?” Sirius was moving quickly, simply watching it made Remus’ head swim. He watched him lift up blankets and pillows, scan the floor. “Where’s my shirt?”

“Dunno,” Remus murmured. Sirius turned to look at Remus. Remus held Sirius’ gaze and watched his gray eyes soften. He then made a sour face; his headache throbbed itself to his focus of attention, he groaned, pulling the blankets up to his shoulders.

“You look miserable, mate. See if you can sleep.”

“Can’t-” he groaned, frowning, “-my everything hurts. Hurts to think and breath and talk.” Sirius laughed and Remus flinched at the noise. 

“I’m gonna go shower, ask Tonks where my goddamn shirt is. You rest up,” Sirius stood up, stretching. Remus watched him go to close the curtains over the blinds and mumbled out a nearly inaudible ‘thank you.’ “Have fun with your hangover!” Sirius shut the door behind himself, plunging the room into blissful darkness. Remus grabbed his pillow and hugged it close to himself, wanting to stop existing. He buried his head into the pillowcase’s cheap fabric. He could hear muffled voices and soft laughs from the other side of the door. He squeezed his eyes shut. Remus felt too tired to sleep. The door swung open and Tonks padded to his side, sitting on the bed beside him - he did not appreciate the resulting movement his body was forced to experience. Remus shied from the light and winced as the door hit the wall.

“Remus?” Tonks peered down from where she sat on the side of his bed.

“...Hi.”

“Hi,” Tonks seemed frustrated. Remus didn’t know why. 

“I just wanna sleep,” even squinting, Remus saw her roll her eyes as he said this. 

“Remus I need to-” she trailed off, her eyes flitting to the doorway where Sirius was watching on, putting his weight on the door’s wooden frame. He looked just as confused as Remus felt. “Sirius can you close the door and give me a second with him?”

“Huh? I- oh, yeah.” Remus had given up the idea of resting. He slowly sat up in bed, wincing as the insides of his head pounded against his skull.

“Did you take off everything?” Tonks nodded to his chest. Remus looked down and his mind sluggishly connected the dots. He shook his head.

“It hurts to breathe.”

“That’s what Sirius said.” Tonks looked grim. “You know not to sleep with that on, it’s dangerous. 8 hours tops, you’ve been pushing it lately with him around.”

“I don’t want him to know.” Remus’s voice tapered off to a whisper before breaking.

“You’ve gotta be brave, okay?” Tonks held his face in her hands. “If he cared then he- well, he wouldn’t care.”

“I know,” Remus pulled Tonks into a hug and let out a shallow breath. “I can be brave.” 

“I hope you know that you’re an idiot,” Tonks laughed, relief and worry both slipping into the sound, and pulled away, holding him at an arm’s length. “You’re gonna mess up your ribs.” Her smile suddenly slipped away and she gave him a solemn look. “If you mess up your ribs I will _personally_ kill you.” 

“Dang,” Remus laughed softly, his head still aching, “Guess I won’t mess up my ribs then. Can you grab me a softer shirt? And also burn this jumper or something? It feels gross and sweaty.” Tonks slipped off the bed and rummaged through his drawers, she pulled out a worn and faded tee shirt from an amusement park. “Thanks,” Remus said as she tossed it to him. “Don’t look.” Tonks hummed in response, sitting herself onto the ground, facing the other way. Remus looked at the door and took as deep a breath as his aching lungs would allow. He lifted off his jumper, shivering again at the cold air. Remus grabbed his binder, wincing at the rubbed red skin. He pulled it off slowly, forcing himself to take deep breaths. He grabbed the shirt form where Tonks had tossed it onto the bed and pulled it over his head. “How do I look?”

“Good as new.” Tonks grinned turning around. “Now get out of those jeans and go back to bed.”

“Wait,” Remus said, flinching at the volume of his own voice. Tonks paused, turning around. “What happened last night?”

“What do you remember?” Tonks sat back on the bed, already starting to grin.

“Sirius was like,” Remus frowned. “Talking about sneezing on a toothbrush?”

“Aw,” Tonks smiled. “Yeah you missed a lot.” She pulled her legs up onto the bed, settling in to talk. Remus’ head was still sludge but he listened anyway. “I called Thomas Bradley and told him to go to hell. Sirius was flirting with the tree, oh and uh-” Tonks’ eyes widened and she pursed her lips together, doing a terrible job of hiding a grin. “You and Sirius kissed. Like full on made out.” 

“We- what?” Remus blinked, frowned. Tonks was lying. She had to be.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’ve got a picture. I’ll send it to you. Now go pass out or something, and work on breathing, you look like death.” Remus wanted to protest but she put her hands on his shoulders and a gentle nudge was all it took to convince him to fall back. He grabbed the covers and pulled them up, sticking his tongue out at her. She left the room, it was quiet. Remus could hear Sirius’ muffled voice asking what had been wrong. Remus drifted off to sleep.

~ ~ ~

“You come here often?” Sirius’ words were hardly discernible now. He swayed on his feet and had a hand on the wall for balance, his tangled hair had multicolored pine needles in it. “You’re so cute?” Tonks was cackling, watching Sirius flirt with the plastic tree. “Damn you’re,” he paused, sneezing, “so hot.”

“I like him,” Remus said, not bothering to quiet his voice, probably too drunk to care. Sirius didn’t hear. Tonks blinked, Remus hadn’t admitted to having any feelings for a guy in ages. She put her hand on his shoulder and smiled reassuringly. “I like him-” he hiccuped and blinked in surprise. “I like him lots.” 

“Don’t live your life in fear, Remus,” she said softly. “You can’t keep putting off your own happiness.” Remus frowned and looked at her, his face blank. Clearly not following. Tonks remembered just how much he had drunken that night. She gave him a pat on the back. “Go get him, bud.” She didn’t expect him to take her advice. But he did. Standing up, staggering. He took a moment to steady himself and strode to Sirius. Remus grabbed Sirius’ head in his hands and leaned over, clumsily pressing their lips together. Sirius stumbled backwards at first, his eyes wide. Remus’ hands were tangled in Sirius’ hair and Sirius immediately overcame the shock, kissing back. It looked sloppy, awkward. Weird to watch. But they were drunk so they got a free pass. Sirius’ hands were hooking on Remus’ belt loops, he was laughing into the kiss. Remus was smiling. Sirius tugged on Remus’ belt loops and pulled him closer. Tonks smiled, snapping a picture as proof before returning to her book.

~ ~ ~

“What if he says no?” Remus twisted his hands around anxiously while Tonks stood on a stool and browsed through his closet. She pulled out a shirt and spun around, holding it up and comparing it to Remus. She shook her head and turned around, putting it back. “He’s a flirt, what if he didn’t-”

“Remus,” Tonks said, rolling her eyes and shooting him a good natured smile. “I’ve noticed the way he looks at you. I think it’s fair to say he won’t say no.” Remus relaxed a little, not much, but enough. He glanced at the tiny vase of flowers he had bought that day, he let out a long and slow breath through clenched teeth. He picked at his duvet, wondering how long it took to make up with a friend. He had been gone for hours. 

“It’s been a while,” Remus dropped his leg to the floor, bouncing it anxiously. “D’you reckon he’s not coming back?”

“Of course he’s coming back, he left his shirt here,” Tonks sighed. “Honestly, Remus, why are you so nervous? The worst he can do is say no.”

“I’m,” Remus’ gaze fell to his hands, his clear nail polish had started to chip. Tonks lowered the shirt she was holding and looked at him, giving him him a look of silent support, urging him to continue. “I’m telling him.” Remus pursed his lips together. “I have a whole speech planned. I’m not sure how he’ll react.”

“If he reacts badly I’ll break his knees,” Tonks said, putting the shirt back and pulling out another. “Here, try this on- how long is the speech? You tend to over prepare.” Remus pulled it out from his pocket, it was finished as of an hour ago. It already had a small hole in the center due to his constant folding and unfolding and fidgeting and sweating. 

“It’s only a page,” he held it up to show her. Tonks nodded, looking impressed. Remus pulled off his shirt and tried on the tee. It was long sleeved and a wine red shade that reminded Remus of aesthetic hipster photos of someone curled up by a fireplace. He showed it to Tonks, waiting for a response. She nodded enthusiastically. “Do you think black jeans’ll work?” He nodded at pile he had pulled out. “With holes or without?” Remus held the two folded pairs of jeans in his hands, weighing them like a scale.

“Without,” Tonks said confidently. “For sure.” She grabbed the doorframe of the closet and leaned, grabbing the door and sliding it shut. Remus began changing. He stood waiting for feedback when he was done. Tonks smiled, nodding. “Well shit, he cleans up pretty well!” Remus laughed sheepishly, feeling his face heat up. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, wondering how he would ask.

“So I was thinking we’d go see a movie? There’s a horror one out that I’ve wanted to see about a weird closet monster.” Tonks rolled her eyes, grinning. 

“Sirius _loves_ scary movies, you guys are gonna have a great time.” A knock came at the door and Remus paled. Tonks dragged him out of the room. Remus was screaming at himself in his head, willing his feet to move. He stumbled out and stood by his door, holding his hands in front of himself. _This looks awkward._ Switch to behind. _Still awkward_. Remus couldn’t think of what he did with his hands. He crossed his arms across his chest. Did that look confrontational? He began picking at the nail polish. Tonks pulled the door open, swinging back on her heels. “Sirius! Hey! How’re things with James?”

“Holy shit,” Sirius beamed. “It was great! All a big misunderstanding. I’m spending the night back at his house. He’s coming to pick me up since it might rain and my motorcycle doesn’t have a roof and my helmet is in a box somewhere.” Sirius laughed, he noticed Remus. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, you good?”

“I- yeah.” Remus squeezed his eyes shut, chastising himself for almost letting himself give up. He took a deep breath, reminding himself to be brave. And then, “actually- no. I have- can you come here for a second? Please.” Remus motioned to his room. Sirius shrugged and walked past. Tonks flashed Remus a thumbs up and Remus gave her a sickly nervous smile. He closed the door behind himself, took in a breath, and let go of the doorknob. Sirius was looking at Remus’ bookshelf. “I got that book the day we met.” Remus smiled, relieved to have a quick distraction to put _it_ off for a couple moments more. Sirius looked at Remus, his eyebrows raised.

“Is that the story you’re gonna tell our kids? You’re so cheesy dearest.” Sirius chuckled, touching the spine with the golden dots of constellations sprayed across it. Remus noticed his chipping black nail polish, imperfect and wonderful. Remus took a few breaths, always deflating before he could work up the courage to speak.

“Sirius,” he said the name quickly before he could back out. He let out a breath; _good, no backing out now._ Sirius turned around, an eyebrow raised in confusion. “I have a- well some.” Remus paused, breathing. Sirius had turned to face him fully, a look of concern barely masked by his forever grin. “I have movie tickets. Wanna see a movie?”

“Oh,” Sirius laughed. “Yeesh, you seemed all worked up over a movie?” Remus’ gaze fell to his feet and he didn’t respond. “O- Oh!” Sirius’ eyes grew wide. “Is this? Did you-? I thought you said you weren’t-” Sirius’ voice went quiet. “Ready?” 

“I thought about it,” Remus said, growing more confident in what he was saying with every word. His heart skipped a beat and he looked up to hold Sirius’ gaze. “I need to stop being scared. And I like you, I like you _so_ much.” Remus felt his shoulders release a tension he hadn’t known was there. “It’s only if you want to-” he added hurriedly. “If you don’t want to I absolutely-”

Sirius grabbed Remus’ wrist and tugged it down. He cupped his face in his hand, pulling him close. Kissing him. Remus’ stilled at first, unsure of what to do. He let his eyes slip shut. His hands found Sirius’ waist. He held him close. He felt Sirius’ hands snake up his arms. Up the back of his neck. Everywhere Sirius touched Remus felt his hairs stand on end. Sirius’ fingers skimmed the surface of Remus’ skin, skating lightly, leaving hot trails in their wake. Remus took a step forward, Sirius one back. Remus risked a breath, not wanting to pause. He stopped at the bookshelf, it gently shook as Sirius’ back collided with it. He felt Sirius’ pale fingers tangling in his hair, running through the curls. Remus sank into Sirius, leaning on him to stand. His hand found its way to the small of Sirius’ back and he pulled him closer still, wanting to never let go and yet- Remus’ other hand moved up to Sirius’ arm and he gripped it tightly. Remus tried to step closer still, stepping on Sirius’ toes in the process. He stopped, smiling into the kiss and gently pulling away, just enough to separate their lips. Sirius followed for a second before allowing the kiss to be broken. They both pressed their foreheads together, Sirius laughing softly.

“Love the way you set the mood by breaking my toes.” Remus laughed, softly apologising. Sirius slowly let his hand fall from Remus’ head to his neck, shoulder, down. Remus grabbed his hand, holding it. He gave it a tiny squeeze. “Our first kiss though,” Sirius mused. “Nice.”

“First,” Remus mused, remembering the picture he had seen on Tonks’ phone. His face began to heat up. 

“Uh oh,” Sirius laughed. “Remus’ famous beet impression.” Sirius tilted his head to the side and Remus felt his face soften at the way his hair fell. “You all good? Coolio beans?”

“Yeah,” Remus laughed awkwardly. “It’s just that, uh, that wasn’t our first kiss.”

“Well yeah,” Sirius smiled. “That one in the storage closet hardly counted, you didn’t want to kiss me.” Sirius nodded insistently at Remus. Sirius leaned against the bookshelf, bending one leg and resting his foot on a book laid flat.

“Well no- I- I mean that like,” Remus rubbed the back of his neck, still holding Sirius’ hand. “That one night when we were drunk.” Sirius’ eyes widened and he grabbed both of Remus’ upper arms.

“Dude, holy shit, no way,” Sirius let his head loll back and he laughed openly, staring at the ceiling. “I had no idea you remembered that too.”

“Too? You remembered? Why didn’t you say anything yesterday morning?” Remus frowned. “Or all of yesterday? Or this morning?”

“I didn’t want to make you feel weird,” Sirius shrugged, looking back down to Remus. “Besides, didn’t want you to get a big head,” he huffed, a grin breaking out across his face. “I’m so cool that simply kissing me makes some people become egotistical assholes.” Remus laughed, stuffing both of his hands into his jean pockets. 

“So the, uh, date. Is that a yes?” He risked a glance up at Sirius, somehow fearing the answer would still be no.

“Of course it’s a yes,” Sirius sighed. “D’you think I’d make out with just anyone?”

“Tonks said you flirted with out christmas tree,” Remus teased. 

“We’re gonna forget that happened,” Sirius warned with a good natured tone. “Can I borrow a shirt? This one got some food on it.” 

“Go for it,” Remus slowly took a step back, “my tops are in the drawer to the left.” He left his room, hoping to give Sirius some privacy. He walked into Tonks’ room, she was splayed out on her bed, tapping her foot to an inaudible song. She saw him and took out a headphone, sitting up and waiting. Remus nodded and she punched the air.

“I told you you could do it!” she sprang up, meeting him at the foot of the bed to hug him. Remus let out a shaky breath.

“He was so nice? I dunno what I was worried about.” Tonks laughed and patted him on the back, pulling away from the hug. She pulled out her other earbud and held up both hands for a high five- high ten?

“When’re you telling him?”

“The way back from the movie, Tonks I feel like I could do anything,” Remus breathed, digging his nails into his palms and feeling _alive_. He heard Remus laughing from his room. A muffled voice calling him in. Remus gave Tonks a confused smile and jerked a thumb at the doorway, stepping out and giving her a giddy smile. He walked back into his room and his heart sank.

“Dude,” Sirius was cackling. “This is way weird, why do you have bras?” Remus flinched, his face paling. “Oh my god, what the hell,” Sirius was muttering to himself now, standing in a pile of some of Remus’ old clothes from _before_. He nearly shuddered at the very thought. He shrank away from his laugh. His eyebrows tugging downwards. Eyes falling to the floor. He looked down, noticing he was hugging himself again. “Whose is this?” Sirius dropped a sports bra to the ground and dug back into the drawer. He pulled out a bra. “I- Remus?” Sirius looked up, dropping the bra he had been holding back into the drawer. He walked over to Remus, his voice lowering. “You okay? Who do those belong to?” Remus didn’t answer. He squeezed his eyes shut. He felt tears slip out, Sirius gently touched Remus’ arm. Remus flinched, hating his automatic response. “Remus, what’s wrong?”

“I’m,” Remus flinched at his own voice, hating how high it turned when he was nervous. “I’m not-” he trailed off again. He took a breath. Sirius offered a hand but thought better of it. He dropped it back down to his side. Remus motioned to himself in a small, defeated gesture. “I’m-” _Deep breaths. In and out._ “Trans. I’m trans.” He grimaced. “Transgender.” He squared his shoulders, bracing himself for whatever Sirius’ response may be. 

“You’re like- you wanna be a girl?” Sirius frowned. Remus almost laughed through the tears silently streaming down his face.

“No,” he shook his head, sliding down the wall and collapsing in a heap. Sirius fell gracelessly opposite him, his thin lips pursed. “Other way around, I- uh, I want-” Remus laughed bitterly, continuing with more force in his voice, “I _am_ a boy. A man. A whatever, but _not_ a girl.”

“But born a girl?” Remus almost visibly blanched.

“In theory,” he said with a humourless laugh. “Look- I don’t get it all the time, I don’t expect you to either.” 

“So that means that like,” Sirius gestured vaguely, frowning. “I’m not sure what to say. Sorry. But like, boobs?” Remus actually cracked a smile, relaxing only slightly. Still cringing at the word.

“I have a binder,” he tugged at his shirt’s collar, showing the skin toned undershirt. “It sorta keeps everything in check. I can’t wear it all the time though.” Remus shrugged, motioning to the pile of bras on the floor with a grimace. “Hence the- er, those.” Sirius still looked troubled. He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it. 

“How do you not look so, ya know, not-girly?” 

“Hormones,” Remus grinned at this, feeling himself relax; finding an odd comfort talking about the subject he knew so much about. “I just started sorta recently, just over a year ago. Weekly injections.”

“Inject- holy shit, so you’re not on drugs?” Sirius let out a breath. “Man, I thought you were doing drugs or something when I saw those needles on your counter.”

“Sirius what do you think drugs are because yes I absolutely am,” Remus laughed at Sirius’ confused look. “Just nothing illegal.” He bit his lip, sucking in a breath through his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing out the next sentence as quickly as he could manage, stumbling over his own words in his haste. “Look- if you don’t wanna go and like, see a movie. I understand, ya know? I know it’s weird and not normal and if you don’t want to then I won’t be ma-”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Sirius cut Remus off. He frowned, smiled, laughed. “I’m bi, or pan, or whatever it is. I- either way, this doesn’t change anything for me. I just like people. No matter-” he trailed off momentarily, at a loss for words. “- what’s going on.” His goofy smile returned. “I still like you.”

“I mean, it changes some things for some people.” Remus shrugged sheepishly. “It sucks but I can’t control it. It’s changed minds before.”

“We’ll give it a shot, yeah?” Remus laughed, nodding. He uncrossed his arms, letting himself take a breath, decompressing. Sirius gently held Remus’ head in his hands, he pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head before tugging him into a hug. Sirius smelled like whiskey and the leather-bound cover of an old book. Remus buried his head into his shoulder, his damp cheek sticking uncomfortably on the leather shoulder of his jacket. His arms snaked around Sirius’ waist and he tugged him closer. Sirius’ hand found its way to the back of Remus’ neck, slowly brushing upwards, lightly skimming his curls. Remus pulled his head up and looked at Sirius, a smile still on his face, slowly turning confused.

“I- this is great,” Remus laughed quietly, his smile slipped away and he frowned. “But how’re you taking this so-” Remus trailed off, squinting one eye in his confusion. “Well?”

“Oh,” Sirius laughed. “That.” He gave Remus a slight grin. “I’ve just barely started to process this.” Remus decided that just barely processing was better than screaming about betrayal. Sirius gave Remus a toothless smile and patted him on the back lightly, breaking the daze. “I- here, let’s get you standing, yeah?” Remus rubbed the dampness from his cheeks before nodding and clambering to his feet. He shifted his weight from one foot to the next. He heard a knock at the door, Tonks poked her head around. Remus looked over and Sirius twisted to see. Tonks’ eyes flickered to the pile of clothes on the floor in confusion then to Remus. He gave her a smile and her wary look melted away, she gave him an ecstatic grin. 

“Hey - hiya Remus - look, Sirius, if you hurt him I’ll kill you. Remus, you’ve got game. Good on you. Also James’ here in the living room with Lily to pick you up.”

“Oh,” Sirius laughed. “I forgot about them.” Sirius laughed rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Let’s go see them, yeah?” The three walked into the living room, Remus recognizing Lily as the redhead Sirius had been talking to at the bookstore all those weeks ago. She was wearing jeans and an oversized jumper that coincidentally looked to be the size of the James sitting next to her. He had on a team tee shirt displaying the logo of a local sports team Remus couldn’t recall the name of. He also looked about ready to collapse and fall asleep on the couch right there. James’ oversized and thick-glasses glasses would’ve given him a bookish demeanor had it not been for his absolutely sporty attire. Remus couldn’t help but take notice of the basketball sneakers attached to the feet currently resting on the coffee table. 

“Hey Remus,” James said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Sorry you had to deal with this mess for a few days.” He jerked a thumb in Sirius’ direction. Sirius rolled his eyes, grinning.

“What he’s saying,” Lily sighed. “Is thank you for watching him and making sure he was alright.” She tucked her fiery red hair behind her ears, smiling.

“We had lots of fun,” Tonks assured. “Lot’s of drinking, scandal, secrets. Crying too, it was a real soap opera.” James laughed and Tonks moved to sit on the far end of the couch. Remus set down next to Tonks and Sirius sat in the middle. “You’ve gotta tell Sirius how to be less dramatic.” Sirius gasped, claiming loudly that his flair for drama was his best quality. 

Rays of sunlight were cast on the coffee table as the sun neared the horizon. The slits of light really brought the focus to the incredibly dusty table. Tonks grimaced, shielding the brightness from her eyes before suddenly perking up. 

“Remus! Roof party? I- guys? Wanna order pizza and sit on the roof like the rebellious young suburban adults we are?”

“Hell yeah!” James said, quickly followed by an ow as Lily jabbed him in the ribs, staring pointedly at Tonks and Remus. “Heck yes,” James rolled his eyes, giving Lily an admiring smile. 

~ ~ ~

Remus watched the beams of sunlight persisting through the smokey gray fog of the air, coming out smudged and slightly faded on the other end. He still wore his wine red shirt and black jeans, starting to enjoy his unexpected new date. They had all scrambled up to the top, some holding cardboard boxes radiating a soft heat and enticing scent. Tonks had somehow climbed up the ladder with her hands full of water bottles for all of them without dropping a single one, _or_ falling to her death. Remus had heaved up blankets and they were all bundled, Remus sandwiched between Tonks and Sirius, and James and Lily holding their blankets tight around their shoulders for a shared warmth. They took turns watching their breaths billow up in clouds, disappearing into the darkening sky. James told the entire story or the fight, emphasising how much of a misunderstanding it had been. Sirius kept ducking his head and laughing sheepishly.

Lily and Remus had gotten into a conversation about gardening and Lily was offering to introduce him to a friend of hers who had quite the green thumb. Remus was nodding animatedly, considering inviting her to the tiny gardening club he had recently joined. Tonks and James had found themselves talking about the local sports team of the shirt he was wearing, Tonks insisting, much to James’ dismay, that they were going to lose whatever competition was coming up. Sirius had long since shifted his position from sitting to lying down with his head in Remus’ lap, his unruly black hair catching Remus’ attention. Remus had soon absentmindedly started french braiding it. Sirius grinned up, blowing his breaths into Remus’ face and Remus sneaking him smiles in between his comments with Lily. 

~ ~ ~ 

“Remus?” He looked up to see Sirius was standing by the edge of the roof and looking out at the city below. With pizza gone cold and drinks empty, the group had resigned to staring up at the smoggy night sky, picking out the occasional star. James had propped himself and was running his fingers absentmindedly through Lily’s bright hair. Tonks was on her phone, occasionally sharing statistics about light pollution and commenting their lucky to be above the worst of it. Remus walked over to Sirius, hugging himself to stay warm. Sirius shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, his teeth chattering and his breath slipping out between his teeth. “I think I’ve processed it. The whole gender thing? All that stuff.” Sirius was nearly whispering and Remus took a step closer, feeling his anxiety pique. Remus was hoping for the best. Expecting the worst. Staring wordlessly. Waiting. Waiting for Sirius to continue. “You were right,” Sirius sighed. “I- erm, don’t understand how any of it works, at all.” Sirius was blinking. Rolling his lower lip between his teeth. Shifting his weight, rolling on the balls of his feet. “But it’s not my job to understand, ya know? Like you said, all I need to do is respect it.” 

“Thank you,” Remus began, stunned. “I-”

“I- sorry, not finished. Had this whole speech planned.” Sirius laughed and took a step closer to Remus, looking up at him. “It’s like you with your scars, they’re apart of you but they don’t make you you, it’s-” Sirius stopped himself, laughing nervously. “Screw the speech,” he took his hands out of his pockets and began toying with his fingers, picking at the nail polish. ”I like you Remus and this doesn’t change anything, not for me. I love you and your scars and your plants and books and I like when you roll your eyes at me and laugh and I love your jumpers and just you, I like _you,_ Remus.” 

“Can I kiss you?” Remus asked suddenly, surprising himself as much as Sirius. “Are you done with the speech? I- if you’re done we-”

“Yes,” Sirius laughed. He stepped on a small pile of wood pallets so he was nearly level with Remus. He grabbed his head and pulled him into the kiss, laughing, his breath smokey and hot against Remus’ cold skin. Sirius’ hands steadied Remus and he took a step closer. He could faintly hear a high five in the background, he chuckled, not bothering to look and see who it was. Remus lifted his hands up, holding Sirius with his fingers shaking in the icy wind. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and Sirius was holding him close. Remus leaned into him, melting, smelling the old leather smell that seemed ingrained in him. The sound of car horns blaring and sirens wailing and the low electrical city buzzing faded, turning to white noise and Remus pulled away, pressing his forehead to Sirius’. Sirius’ hair whipped around in the wind, hitting Remus’ face and making him laugh.

“I like you too,” he breathed, smiling. 

“That’s good,” Sirius said dryly. “Or else that whole kiss thing would’ve been really _quite_ awkward.” Remus shoved him lightly in the arm. Sirius made a face and then shot a grin at James who flashed him a thumbs up. 

“Thanks for kissing him,” Tonks called, punching the air. “James owes me a fiver now.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm Theo, the author, if you liked this fic along with my writing style and have an idea for a story you'd like me to write, shoot me a message or an ask on my blog https://theodorebee.tumblr.com/ thanks so much for reading and be sure to have a nice day! :)


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